Surviving The Holidays
/“This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his one and only Son into the world so that we could have life through him.” I John 4:9 (NCV)
The Christmas Hallmark and Lifetime movies have begun - the perfect Christmas where love always wins in the end and the movie ends with a kiss. We watch and remember the love we have had or the hope for this kind of love in our lives. Yes, it is a movie, but some of us had that kind of Hallmark love and now we have a hole in our hearts where once was the sharing of life with the love of our lives.
Now the holidays approach again. How do we survive again? The holidays are filled with memories of past celebrations, traditions and people. We remember our childhood and holidays spent with parents, grandparents and extended family. Growing up, my dad created the tradition where we cut and stacked wood for our wood burning stoves before we could open our Christmas gifts. My siblings and I talk about this memory every year. I remember my Grandma’s silver Christmas tree with the rotating lights underneath. I remember baking lots of cookies. I remember my mom sewing an outfit for each of us and sometimes when we opened the gift it was only the material and pattern. My mom did not have time to finish the gift but gave us what she was planning on making.
Memories are good, and memories are also painful. We may feel lonelier each Christmas because of the absence of our loved one who made Christmas so special. We may try to re-create the “perfect” Christmas, but it never turns out the way we had hoped because of the emptiness of not have our loved one with us to celebrate.
No matter how long a loved one has been gone, the holidays – especially Thanksgiving and Christmas – bring a flood of emotions, grief and tears. Allow yourselves to be sad, to cry, and go through periods of grief. You may cry as you bake cookies using your mom’s recipe or hang an ornament on the tree given to you from your husband. Cherish the memories. Memories are a gift. You cannot recreate them, but you can accept them as part of who you are and what makes the season so special.
Loneliness may be overwhelming through the holidays as you long for loved ones and feel their absence more intensely. Isolation may feel easier – just be alone and get through the holidays. But isolation creates more negativity as you listen to the negative chatter in your head. Find a balance – time with family and friends and time to reflect and be alone.
Focus on the true meaning of why we celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. At Thanksgiving reflect on your blessings and remember the lives of your loved ones. Name the people who have been in your life and the difference they made in your life. Give thanks. It’s OK to cry and to celebrate at the same time. You are thankful they lived but sad they are not with you physically to celebrate. Remember, their love and spirit remains in your heart forever.
Christmas reminds us that God loves us so much that He sent his son into this world. Jesus was born like you and me so that we could relate to him. He was born to give us the gift of love, hope and life.
I believe surviving the holidays is not just about surviving because of the death of our loved one. It is also surviving what society has made the holidays to be. Maybe this Thanksgiving we can focus on being grateful and thankful for the blessings of life and to share our blessings with those less fortunate. Maybe this Christmas, we can focus on Jesus and not on shopping and the busyness of the season. We can remember God loves us so much He sent his Son to be born so that He could show us how to live and to die for our sins giving us the gift of grace.
As we mourn the loss of our loved ones this holiday season, may we know that the One who loves us most understands our grief, pain and loss. Jesus walks beside us.
