Same Story

“Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”  Luke 2:19

When I think of the Christmas season, one story comes to the forefront of my memories.  When I was a teenager our house burnt down on Sunday, December 23rd.  My life changed in many ways that day.  I had no place to call home, and I lost all my material possessions.  My family had no home, but we still had a farm with animals that needed care.  I lived with my grandmother for three months.  My brother who was still living at home, went to live with another brother.  My parents lived in a small RV on the farm to care for the animals until other arrangements for a home could be made.

Out of the ashes of this tragedy, God still brought good.  Our church family and community rallied around our family and provided support and needed clothing and financial assistance.  At a young age, I learned that relationships are more important than possessions.  I have told this story many times throughout my life, but it reminds me not to focus on material possessions and that God can bring good out of the bad and brokenness of life.  The story never grows old as I remember God’s love and care through others during this tragedy.

Christmas is a time to share stories and memories.  Not everyone has happy memories, but God can bring good out of the bad.  God can redeem the memories.  Some people remember Christmas presents, Christmas programs at school and church, snow, favorite foods, worship services, and most of all the people with whom we shared the season.  We remember how we felt, and the emotions connected to the joy of the season.

When my siblings gather, we begin to share memories of Christmas and retell the stories.  We all tell the same story first.  The story always goes something like this – “remember when we had to buzz (cut) wood every Christmas morning before we could unwrap our presents.”  We heated our house with two wood stoves, and my dad knew he could get all of us to help with the wood when the motivation was Christmas presents.  It is the same story that never grows old.

 The story of the birth of Jesus is the same story that is told each year at Christmas.  This story never grows old.  It is timeless and never loses its relevance and power.  Mary and Joseph travel to Bethlehem.  Mary gives birth to Jesus and lays him in a manger.  The angels appear to the shepherds. The Shepherds come.  The wise men bring gifts.  God comes to earth in the form of a baby to redeem the world.  The story never grows old.  It never changes.  God still comes.

I wonder how many times Mary shared the story of Jesus’ birth throughout her life.  Telling of the angel appearing to her announcing that she was chosen to give birth to the Messiah. How Joseph did not leave her but believed her and the angel who appeared to him.  The journey to Bethlehem and giving birth, and all those who came to see the baby.  It was the same story that never grew old for Mary.  She treasured the memories.

Christmas is a time of memories and stories.  When we tell and retell the stories, Christmas becomes more than just a day.  The stories become alive again.  The memories are real and a part of who we are.  The memories are about relationships that gave meaning to our lives. 

Never stop sharing your memories.  Tell the same old story over and over again because it has meaning to your life.  You are who you are because of these memories and the people who are in these memories.  Your loved one comes alive again in your heart as you tell the same stories.  The stories reveal the love that never ends. 

 Christmas is a love story.  God loves us so much that He came to earth as a baby to redeem us.  Keep telling your story.  Keep telling the Christmas story.  Both stories are about the deep love that is in your heart. 

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Coming Into View

“The virgin will be pregnant.  She will have a son, and they will name him Immanuel, which means “God is with us.”  Matthew 1:23

My hometown has a Fantasy of Lights display in the park each Christmas Season.  This year there are over one hundred displays created by local businesses, organizations, and families.  Last year, as we walked through and drove through the magical light display, I thought how cool it would be for my family to create a display.  We began to talk about it, and I gave the idea to my brother-in-law who created a plan.  With the creativity of my brother-in-law, my cousin, and lots of ideas from family, our family display was created.  The picture with this blog is our Christmas contribution to the park lights.  It turned out better than I had ever envisioned.

It is an Advent Wreath with the manger in the middle and a star for Jesus being the light of the world.  Beside the wreath is the cross with the words of the candles surrounding the cross.  Each Advent candle has a theme – Hope, peace, joy and love. During Advent (which means the coming or arrival) a candle is lit, and words are shared about the theme of the candle.  Jesus comes into the world to bring hope, peace, joy and love.  Everything you and I need today in our lives.

Hope – “And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts.” Romans 5:5

Peace – “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:27

 Joy – “The joy of the Lord is my strength.”  Nehemiah 8:10

 Love – “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16

It took some time for the idea of the display to become a reality – literally the entire year. Finally, it came into view.  When we saw it lit up at night for the first time, it was amazing to see. We needed the darkness to see the beauty of it.  My prayer in the creation was that the display would be a witness to our faith in Jesus.  The Advent Wreath expresses the coming of Jesus as a baby with the cradle in the middle. The cross represents why Jesus came – to be the Savior of the world.  You cannot have the cradle without the cross.  Jesus was born to die for our sins.

 My hope was that it could make a difference.  I was filled with joy when we walked through the lights and stood beside the display.  A mom and her children came up to the display, and she explained to her children what the Advent wreath was and the words represented each candle.  As I listened, God’s love came into view.  I had such a peace that God had a purpose in this display.  I had experienced all the words of Advent – hope, joy, love and peace.

We have an idea of how we desire life or certain situations to be.  We have hope that it will turn out like we desire.  Sometimes it turns out better than expected and other times we struggle to comprehend what happened.  It doesn't make any sense to us.  We have all been there.  Some of you are in the middle of trying to find your life after your world was turned upside down.  It is so cloudy that you can barely see the next step to take.  The darkness seems overwhelming.  Sometimes we need to sit in the darkness of life before we can see God shine His light.

That is, sometimes we need the lights and sounds and distractions of the world to go dim, and we need to be still and just sit in the quiet and allow God to come to us.  God comes into view when we tune out the things that overwhelm and disturb our hope, joy, peace, and love.  It doesn’t mean life will be what you want it to be, but it does mean that God breaks into our darkness with His love.  God comes to us.  God may not change your circumstances, but God will change your heart and your thoughts.  God may still have you walk through the pain and the grief, but God promises to be with you and bring you peace in the midst of it.

As Christmas comes into view for you this year, focus on Jesus.  He is your hope in this broken world and in your heartache.  Jesus wants you to look beyond the broken pieces and see the hope of eternity – the hope that someday it will all come together into this beautiful masterpiece.  Jesus promises to give us his joy – not happiness that you have to create and try to pretend you feel.  It is joy that is deep within you – a sense of contentment that is not based on your circumstances.  This brings the peace of Jesus deep within your heart.

Christmas reminds us that we are loved.  God loves you.  God came down to earth to redeem us because He loves us.  Allow Jesus to come into view this Christmas.  Allow Jesus to break through your hurt and pain, through your dailyness of life, through your humbug attitude, through your tears, through your racing thoughts and bring you his hope, peace, joy and love.

Allow Jesus to come into view!

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As you prepare to shop for Christmas gifts, remember small businesses.  Shop local.  Shop simple.

Books are a lasting gift.  Check out my books on my website and on Amazon –

              Living In The Different

              Life Lessons of a Lone Trooper

              Live Different Moments

Grateful Pause

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.”  Psalm 107:1

It is the week of Thanksgiving, and you may not be feeling grateful and wanting to celebrate with friends and family.  You may be in the stages of grief, loss, illness, cancer, trauma, financial problems, or dealing with situations that overwhelm you.  It is difficult to see through this fog of worry, fear, and anxiety and be grateful this Thanksgiving.  Your head knows you have been blessed, but your heart aches and does not feel joyful.  This may bring feelings of guilt because you know others whose situation is worse than yours.

This may be the first Thanksgiving without your loved one.  I know so many of you that are experiencing the holiday season for the first time without your spouse, your special person.  You are not in a festive mood, but you want to be around your family.  Maybe it is time to take a grateful pause.  Remember, pause?  Pause means you stop doing what you are currently doing, thinking, or feeling and take a break.  The pause does not change your circumstances or your feelings, but it gives you an opportunity to breathe and focus on the good of your life.

The pause gives you permission to be grateful and reflect and remember.  You are not living in the past but being thankful for it.  It is being grateful for the time and memories and who you were in the past.  The past may have caused your current problems, then pause and look forward with hope believing God will redeem you and your past.

In this week of Thanksgiving, anchor yourself in your blessings, not your losses.  Being thankful and grateful has more to do with your attitude than your circumstances.  It is how you look at life.  It is pausing your sadness and grief and remembering the joy of life with your loved one.  It is looking at pictures, telling stories, remembering the laughter and the smiles, and giving thanks to God for the life you have loved and will always love.  Sadness will seep into the joy but that is how life is.  Joy and sorrow just mingle together.

Even though your life may not be what you had hoped or planned, you can be grateful you have life.  There is always something to be thankful for because you have breath and life and hope and Jesus.  When we focus on the past and what could have been and what we have done wrong or the wrong done to us, we miss the blessings in front of us.  When we focus on the future and the worry and anxiety it brings, we forget the present.  God is only with us in the present.  Just today. That is why the future brings such worry and anxiety because we do not see God in it.  Be thankful for today.  This moment.  Look around you and be grateful.  Even though it is not what you planned or hoped for; it is what you currently have so find the blessings in this moment.  You can be sad and still give thanks.

A grateful pause can become a way of life each day.  That is, pause each day and give thanks to God for the day.  God gave you life and breath to live this day.  It may not be how you envisioned life to be, but it is what you have today.  When it is difficult to see through the hurt and brokenness of your life, speak out loud about the things that are around you and give thanks.  Thank God for the chair you’re sitting in, the clothes you are wearing, your toothbrush and toothpaste.  Look out the window and be grateful for the trees, the sky, the birds, the leaves and whatever you see.  Pause your thoughts from your problems and focus on what is around you and speak in gratefulness for what you can see and that you have eyes to see.

It is being grateful for life even when you do not understand it.  I gave my friend a small one-inch Jesus made of rubber that I received from one of the local churches.  She is struggling with her health and her focus each day becomes her physical body.  It has been difficult to pray and focus on Jesus.  I told her that now she has a little Jesus always with her.  We all need a little Jesus. 

We have a big Jesus always with us.  It is being grateful when we do not feel God’s presence, that His Holy Spirit is always with us.  We are never alone.  God is good.  God is faithful.  God loves you, and God’s love endures forever. 

It is pausing and being grateful even when we do not understand life and have no answers to the “why” of life.  It is inhaling gratefulness and exhaling trust and obedience when we do not understand.

Pause in gratefulness.

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As you prepare to shop for Christmas gifts, remember small businesses.  Shop local.  Shop simple.

Books are a lasting gift.  Check out my books on my website and on Amazon –

              Living In The Different

              Life Lessons of a Lone Trooper

              Live Different Moments

Restoring My Joy

“Restore to me the joy of thy salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit.”  Psalm 51:12

My friend is usually joyful and singing.  She always has a song in her heart which jumps out in her voice.  Her spirit radiates the light of Jesus from her heart.  She has lived with Jesus in her heart all her life.  Being with her always fills you with an excitement to live life to the fullest.  You have no doubt that God loves you and is with you when you are in her presence.  But my friend is struggling with illness and losing strength in her spirit.  She has no song in her head and is unable to sing.  Her joy is resting deep within her.

We have all been in this place at some time in our lives.  Some of you are fighting your own battle with illness, disease, cancer, and other physical struggles.  You are afraid to admit some of your feelings – “what did I do to deserve this?  Why me?  How can I keep going with all this pain?” You may not have an illness you are physically fighting, but you may be fighting emotionally within you.  You are struggling with day-to-day life.  Your anxiety gets the best of you some days.  Your depression keeps you from interacting with anyone.  You feel lonely and alone and joy is a stranger.

Grief may have become your unwelcome friend, and it follows you everywhere you go.  You may be trying to live into this different life, but it is not the life you planned.  You will always love your special person, always miss them, and miss the life you had and who you used to be.  You are trying to move forward in life.  You are trying to build a new way of life around the hole in your heart.  Joy comes in moments but is quieter.

Some of you may just be existing in life.  You have a routine.  You interact with friends and family.  You have favorite shows you watch.  You eat and take walks and take care of your home.  Life is fine, but joyful?  Not the word you would use.

Maybe we need to listen to the Psalmist who prays – “Restore to me the joy of thy salvation.”

To restore is to bring back or to return to its former condition.  To restore joy means that joy has been within us.  Nehemiah 8:10 says – “The joy of the Lord is my strength.”  It is God’s joy that is within us.  We don’t create joy, but we choose joy.  That is, we choose to allow the Lord’s joy to fill us.  God restores us to how He created us – full of joy.   To be restored means that we have hope in what we cannot see, feel, or believe could actually be true.

Joy is a gift from the Holy Spirit.  It is a deep sense of well-being not dependent upon our circumstances.  Joy is focused on faith in God and choosing to trust God in the struggles and suffering of life.  Yes, easier said than done.  Our head knows this truth, but our hearts don’t feel the joy.  We can believe it when we are not going through the suffering, but when we are in the midst of the pain, heartache, and struggle our focus becomes the physical.  We are trying to just survive the daily issues.

This is where we need to allow those around us to be our help and strength.  Allow others to pray for you and over you.  Your faith is not weak even if your body is.  Your faith is more than a feeling, and it is still within your spirit.  Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 4:16 – “Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day.”  God is restoring our spirit daily because it is God’s Spirit that is within us.  You don’t need to do the work; God is the One working within you.  It is trusting God even when we don’t feel His presence, see any changes, or even have the energy to pray or think about God.  God already knows your spirit.  God knows your faith.  God knows your struggle.

God is restoring your joy.  When you cannot sing, God will sing over you – Zephaniah 3:17 – “God will rejoice over you.  You will rest in his love; he will sing and be joyful over you.”  Allow others to sing over you, too – whether physically with you or on your playlist.  Allow music to come into your spirit.  Music is the universal language of joy.  The rhythm touches your spirit.  Just be in the moment and allow the music and the words to say what you cannot say and to restore you in the moment.

In our restoration, we are seeking peace which is an inner contentment.  It is knowing your circumstances may not change, but it is just taking deep breaths and breathing in the Holy Spirit.  Words are not necessary.  Jesus brings his peace – “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Let not your hearts be afraid.”  John 14:27 

Peace is joy resting.  I am learning to rest in the peace of Jesus.  Some days, the joy feels hidden inside, and other days joy jumps out in the moments that I live in the present.  Joy is more than being happy – happiness depends on circumstances and material possessions.  Joy is deep within when we focus on Jesus who gives us the fullness of joy.

Joy is peace dancing.  Peace is joy resting.

Casting A Shadow

“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!  People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”  Psalm 36:7

The shadow of death has been a distant companion over the past several months.  The shadow became closer as I have stepped into past relationships to walk with them in the journey of sorrow and grief. The darkness entered my heart through the deaths of those I have known throughout different chapters of my life.  Death always triggers memories of my own grief, and I remember those I hold close to my heart.  The shadow of death came through the death of a high school friend, a youth that was in my youth program, a neighbor, a work camp and youth leader, school connections, and church family and friends.

Then Mary died.  Her shadow contained a deep loss and sadness with her death, but I also saw a different shadow with Mary.  I felt and witnessed the shadow of love and holy presence. Mary cast a shadow of love wherever she went.  You were always within her shadow once she loved you.  You were always loved by Mary; she never let you go no matter your physical distance.  You became part of her circle of family.  Her shadow was one that enveloped you in love and acceptance.  It was a shadow from which you did not want to escape.  Mary just pulled you closer and you never said “no” to Mary.  She lived the words of Proverbs 31:28 – “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”

Mary made you feel at home in her presence.  When my friend, and also the officiating pastor, stood in the pulpit to share his message at her celebration of life, Russ said, “It is good to be home.” It was here he met Mary and her family, and he established his home for several years among this church family.  Mary and Carl became family. It was in this same church I met them and was first loved by them.  The feeling of being home is one of peace, contentment, and total acceptance.  It felt like home as I worshiped through Mary’s celebration of life.  Her children praised her and shared her humor and rules for life.

Mary loved Christmas. Let me say that again, MARY LOVED CHRISTMAS!!  And she loved to “Deck the Halls.”  You could never have too many Christmas trees according to Mary.  Her service concluded with the singing of “Deck The Halls.”  It was sung with joy, smiles and celebration.  It was sung to the glory of God and in remembrance of Mary who truly decked the halls of her home and the church for the celebration of the birth of Jesus.

Mary loved Jesus.  The church was full for her service, and her favorite hymns of faith were sung to the glory of God.  Mary cast a shadow of servanthood to the church, her family, her community, and most importantly to the glory of God.  Her shadow represented all that she touched with God’s love.  Wherever that shadow of love was cast, Mary was there to love and serve.

As I have reflected on Mary’s life, I am grateful God put Mary and her husband, Carl on my path.  Their love and commitment to one another was revealed in how Carl cared for Mary until the end.  Carl became Mary’s shadow of protection.  He sheltered her in the shadow of his wings, always caring for her and taking her with him even to meetings at the church.  Mary will always hold a special place in my heart.  She always made me feel loved.

It is in the shadow of God’s wings that the Psalmist states we find refuge.  The shadow of God protects us and also covers us with His love and grace.  To create a shadow, light is needed.  Jesus is the light of the world.  Jesus shines his light over the darkness of our lives.  The darkness of grief and sorrow, the darkness of change and loss, the darkness of anxiety and fear, the darkness of depression and loneliness.

Sometimes all we see is the darkness with no hope or way forward.  It is remembering that in these low times of life, God has protected us under his wings.  We need to step forward and allow the light of Jesus to cast a shadow of hope and love.  It is walking into life knowing the shadow is not of gloom and despair but of God’s love and grace protecting us.

The shadow of Mary’s love will remain in the hearts of all who loved her.  Mary challenges each one of us, to cast a shadow of love – God’s love – onto all those we encounter.  Mary reminds us even in disease, illness, pain and heartache, we are under the wings and protection of a loving God. 

Take refuge in the shadow of God’s wings.  Rest in His love.

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If you or someone you know is going through grief, please purchase my book – Living In The Different.  It can be found on Amazon or my website.

Linger Longer

“I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust his word.  I wait for the Lord to help me.”  Psalm 130:5-6

As I looked up into the early morning sky, I was mesmerized by the vast number of stars that lit the sky.  It was magical, and I just wanted to stand and stare into the sky.  As I ran that morning, I kept looking up and taking in the beauty of the morning stars.  Later that day, as we walked in the park, the sky was a brilliant blue with wispy angel wing clouds.  I was again in awe of God’s creation, and I felt a weight lift from my heart.  I wanted to just linger in the beauty and the feeling of peace without any thought of the worries in the world.

To linger is to stay in a place longer than planned because of a reluctance to leave.  It is to take one’s time, dilly-dally, stick around.  When one lingers, you pause and contemplate longer than usual.  You take your time and wait.  Something catches your eye or touches your heart and causes you to linger.  Do you ever linger, or are you always in a hurry, always busy with too much on your mind?  You do not like to waste time and wait for anything so lingering seems non-productive without purpose.

In grief, we linger – we need to take our time and just be.  We are reluctant to leave the past and the feelings and the life that was familiar and our normal routine.  Lingering is a healthy part of grief.  We linger in the memories, in the joy of shared life, and in the life we had.  We linger in our feelings and emotions.  We wait for the Lord’s help to guide us and to take our hand and walk with us through the pain and loss.  Sometimes we even linger at the cemetery not wanting to be there but not wanting to leave either.

Lingering should not be regarded as a negative trait.  It is part of a pause, but it contains more reflection and thought-provoking contemplation.  It slows us down to ponder what we see and feel.  We breathe in God’s creation and its beauty.  We get lost in the vastness, the simplicity, and the feelings of being embraced by God.  It is lingering in God’s Word – the Bible – and not just read the words and study its meaning, but to truly hear each word as spoken by God in our hearts.  God is speaking directly to you and me.  Linger in the hearing and the listening.

Linger in a song – allow the words and the rhythm of the beat and the melody to penetrate your soul and heal your broken and weary heart.  Music is healing.  Slow yourself down and close your eyes and take in the movement and depth of meaning of the song.  God can speak directly to you through a song.  No matter how you feel, there is a song that will speak to that emotion and help you. Linger in the feelings that music brings.  Linger in the songs that stimulate your worship.

Linger in prayer.  Don’t rush through giving a list to God and making prayer a task to be completed.  Prayer is conversation with the One who loves you the most.  It is like crawling up into the lap of your Heavenly Father and sharing your heart and listening to His words of love.  Linger in prayer.  Be still and quiet and listen.  Linger and receive God’s love and grace and acceptance.  Linger throughout the day in conversation with God.

Linger in memories.  Oh, the things that trigger a past memory. It is usually something simple or just a random thought that enters our minds, and we go to a memory.  Memories remind us that we were loved, we had relationships, we were young, we had experiences and adventures.  Give yourself permission to remember and linger in the good moments and remind yourself what you learned in the not so good memories.  Linger, remember, and give thanks.

Linger in conversations.  We tend to be quick in some of our interactions – “How are you?”  “Fine.”  “What’s been going on?”  “Just busy with family.”  “Great talking with you.”  “See you soon.”  Not much depth to this interaction.  Why are we always in a hurry?  Slow down and linger in conversations with people you love and have not seen for a while.  Listen to their hearts and share yours with them.  There is a reason you have a relationship.  Don’t ignore it and stop nurturing it.

Linger in God’s presence.  Yes, we linger in prayer as we talk and listen to God, but to linger in God’s presence does not involve words but awareness.  It is lingering in the sunset and smiling knowing God created it for you to see.  It is lingering in the beauty of the leaves and knowing God made each leaf and tree.  It is lingering in your emotions and feelings knowing God understands without speaking a word.  It is lingering in the moment knowing God is with you.  It is lingering in the sacred space with God.

 Linger at the table and talk with those seated around it. Find ways to linger and truly enjoy the moments of life instead of rushing through them.  Linger in your thoughts and allow yourself time to daydream and enjoy the stillness of your soul.  Linger in nature.  Linger with a loved one.  Linger in the memories.  Linger with Jesus.

Transitioning Home

Jesus said, “There are many rooms in my Father’s house; I would not tell you this if it were not true.  I am going there to prepare a place for you.”  John 14:2

Jesus said, “There are many rooms in my Father’s house; I would not tell you this if it were not true.  I am going there to prepare a place for you.”  John 14:2

Each month, I gather with my siblings to share food, conversation, and memories.  It is a privilege to hear stories of childhood from a different perspective and what happened before I was born or have memories.  Life changes, but the memories remain.  I have been back in my hometown for a year and am settled in my home, but my ministry heart is still transitioning back home.  My heart is still connected to people in previous ministries especially those who are transitioning from this world to the next place. 

Transitioning takes time.  My desire is to connect with the people of my community and visit those who have been part of my childhood and family.  My life has been filled with change and establishing relationships wherever God puts me.  It takes time to close one chapter before you open the next.  All the chapters of our lives form the book of our lives, and each chapter is needed to create the foundation of who we are.  When I receive a call from people of previous chapters of my life, my heart recalls the connection, and God calls me to step back into their lives.

This past week, I spent the afternoon with Ed and his daughter, Beth.  I have known them for years.  Ed is beginning the transition from this world.  It has been a slow transition over the past three years.  Ed knows his wife’s final wish before she went to Heaven was that he would join her someday in Heaven.  Being an engineer, Ed could never take the leap of faith and believe what he could not prove.  Over the past years, I have spent time talking with Ed about God and God’s love for him.  He has always accepted my prayers but never gave his heart to Jesus.

A few months ago, Ed started saying my name.  I visited him, and again we talked about Heaven and his next steps.  Ed was open to hearing but never taking the step.  So last week, when I visited Ed, he had declined, and it was obvious that he was beginning the process of change, and he knew it.  He wanted to say goodbye to his other two children and to thank them, so his daughter made the calls.  Then, God touched Ed’s heart.  As I talked with him about Jesus and that God loved him and had a place for him in heaven, Ed said for the first time, “I love Jesus.”  “Thank you, Jesus.”  Over and over, Ed said this with a tear coming out of his left eye.  For the first time in Ed’s life, he confessed his faith in simple childlike trust and words. Ed is transitioning to his heavenly home.  It took him three years to get to this surrender, but he will have eternity to live it out.

A friend sold the home that she lived in with her husband who died almost two years ago.  She lives in a condo now that does not feel like home.  We talked about it being her transition home – a place to live as she adjusts to her life without her husband.  It may become a place of comfort, or she may move again.  It is all temporary because she knows she has a permanent place awaiting her someday in Heaven.

To transition is to change.  It is a process.  We all transition throughout the stages and seasons of life.  We transition also emotionally and spiritually.  We change and grow, and we release and let go.  Grief is a process of change.  We are different because of loss and recognize love never dies.  Those we love are part of who we are, and they go with us the rest of our lives in our hearts.  Their spirit and energy remains a part of those with whom they loved.

Disease and illness brings change to our normal routine and our future plans.  My friend is going through cancer treatments, and her body is becoming weaker.  It is a struggle to eat and swallow.  Her desire is for healing and to glorify God in the journey.  She is teaching me to pray on my knees and give it all to God.  It is being honest with my desire for her to be healed on earth and to be restored to wholeness.  My prayers are transitioning to giving my friend to Jesus and trusting God has her.

Through all the transitioning and changes, I am understanding that home is being with Jesus.  I am not talking about just being with Jesus in Heaven which is our ultimate home but being home with Jesus in our hearts.  Our focus daily is being in the presence of Jesus and taking his hand and walking through the struggles of life.  It is changing our focus from the world and the anxiety and problems and allowing the things of this world to grow dim in the light of Jesus’ presence.  Be home not in the struggles and difficulties of life but be home with Jesus.  Home is where you feel comfortable, safe, and secure.  It is where you want to go and rest and just be yourself.  When we are home with Jesus on earth, then when it is time to transition home to heaven it will be a natural transition. 

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.  Be home with him now.

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus.  Look full in His wonderful face.  And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and peace.”

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Check out my newspaper columns on my website along with my books and past blogs.

Eyes Backward

“When they are old, they will still produce fruit; they will be healthy and fresh.”  Psalm 92:14

 This past week marked the anniversary of the death of my mom.  It is hard to believe she has been in Heaven for 19 years.  Sometimes it feels like just yesterday, and other times it feels like forever.  Each year, I reflect on who I am because of my mom’s influence and love.  My mom was the first one to teach me about Jesus and how to pray.  My mom lived her faith quietly but with conviction and inner strength.  She loved music, and I always listen to Gospel music on her anniversary.  As I was listening to music on YT Music, the song “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” was played.  This song was sung by my sister-in-law at my mom’s funeral.  Then I prayed, “God, if “Victory In Jesus” is played next, I will know mom is with me.”  It was her favorite song, and yes, it came up next not just once but twice.  God gave me the assurance and a smile of joy.  God answers even the smallest of prayers to give us what we need.

My sister posted the picture that is beside this blog of my mom on the anniversary of her death.  It is the only picture we have of her as a child.  My mom’s mother died when my mom was five years old, and her father was unable to take his children with him, so my mom was raised by an uncle and a cousin.  Her eyes in this picture speak loudly.  She was a child who had just lost her mother and her whole world had changed.  My mom kept those feelings and experiences within her.

My mom taught me so much about daily living, faith, and how to live life.  One thing she taught me was to respect my elders and to listen to their stories and learn from their lives.  As a child, we always made visits on older relatives and spent time with my Grandma.  Our elders were respected, and they shared stories that I wish I had written down.  As I look backward, I may not remember the stories, but I remember the relationships and the love.  These older people became a part of my foundation of life, and because of my mom’s respect for them, I have spent most of my adult life and ministry connected with the oldest generation.

I recently had a visit day with six of my ninety something and almost ninety something friends and those who I continue to watch over and connect with from previous ministry relationships.  When I visit, this is when I feel God’s presence and spirit with me.  I feel like I am living out my passion and calling in life.  I love to make visits with people in their home environment.  They are relaxed and welcoming and open to sharing their life and stories. 

The stories were filled with memories and as I looked into their eyes, I saw the distant view in their reflection.  They were with me, but their thoughts and eyes were looking backward to the memories of husbands now in heaven and the life they shared together.  Sue’s memories are not in the present, and her eyes were sad with emotion.  As we sang and prayed, her eyes were fixed on Jesus and Heaven.  With others, I heard memories of childhood, meeting their husbands, and remembering how her husband made her laugh.  Their eyes were filled with memories as they reflected backward.  Those relationships are what sustains them today.

Our elders tell stories from their past to teach us.  We need to listen and ask questions and learn about their lives and how God walked with them and helped them through the tragedies and trials of their lives.  Just because they are not as active and involved now, their eyes still sparkle with life and memories and words of wisdom if we listen.  Look into the eyes of those who are telling you stories of their past and you will see the deep love that lives within their hearts.

 When we look back, our eyes are filled with memories that bring tears of joy and sadness mingled together.  We live in the present with our hearts remembering and our feet firm on the foundation from those who have poured their love into our lives.

When we reach out and visit those who are in their twilight years, we bring joy to their moments.  It also helps us to get out of our own heads and moods and focus on someone else.  Ask them questions about their lives and allow them to share and remember.  After you leave, they will sit in those memories and give thanks for the relationships of their lives.  We receive from them a blessing, and they have an opportunity to share and relive those experiences.  It is a gift of connection and reminds them they still have value and worth.

 Allow your eyes to look backward and remember while firmly planted into today.  Make the visit.  Listen to the stories. Allow someone’s life to continue to produce fruit.  My mom’s life continues to have purpose and meaning as I live out what she taught me through her words and actions.

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Check out my books, other blogs and newspaper articles on my website -

www.livinginthedifferent.com

Stumbling Through

“To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy.”  Jude 1:24

On my last morning at the beach, I got up before the sunrise to run on the beach.  Nobody was on the beach yet, and the sun was just beginning to bring color to the sky.  The wind was strong, and the waves were crashing on the shore.  I began to run, and my foot went down into a hole caused by the water and the soft sand.  I fell forward into the sand.  Got up and continued my run.  Then I took my phone out of my pocket while I was running to take a picture of the sunrise.  As I was putting my phone back and began to run again, my foot went into a sand rut, and I fell again dropping my phone which bounced off the sand and hit me above my left eye.  I was done running and decided to just walk.  My foot went into another hole and down I went.  I was thankful it was only sand and water. 

What started out as a beautiful way to end my beach trip by running on the beach at sunrise, turned into three falls, a bruise around my eye and a knot above my eye, and sore arms and wrists from catching my fall.  We all stumble and sometimes fall physically.  The falls can leave us bruised, with broken bones, crushed egos, and afraid to attempt it again.  We stumble and our bodies pay the price.  Sometimes we stumble because we should not be doing what we are doing.  I should not have run in the soft sand with crashing waves.

We stumble in many ways in life.  To stumble is to momentarily lose one’s balance.  We physically lose our balance and almost fall.  We stumble in making decisions, in relationships, in our words.  We attempt to do what is right and good, but we mess up.  We start the day being positive and grateful to God.  We are upbeat and then something goes wrong.  We may make a mess of something, get irritated, or lose our temper.  We stumble and lose focus.

We stumble in our faith, too.  We want to follow Jesus and be aware of His presence daily.  Our desire is to glorify God in all we say and do.  But words come out of our mouths or are in our thoughts that are not respectful or holy.  We get angry with others and the government, the news, the neighbors and even God.  We stumble.

To stumble is to fall into sin and allow obstacles to get in our way.  There are stumbling blocks that separate us from living the life God called us to live.  We get off balance.  Life does not turn out the way we had hoped or planned.  Bad things happen.  Disease and death make us lose our balance, and we stumble through the trials life gives us.

 We get up and try again after we stumble, but many times we keep doing the same thing repeatedly expecting life to be different.  When we repeat, we seem to keep stumbling.  Just like I did on the beach.  I did not learn the first time that the wind and waves were too strong to run that morning and it was causing the sand to be too soft to run.  I did not learn from my first stumble.

Sometimes, we keep stumbling and are off balance because we are attempting to make it on our own.  We tell ourselves that we should be strong enough and have enough willpower to keep going.  We attempt to prove to ourselves that we can do it.  We should have enough stamina and endurance to keep going and to pick ourselves up if we stumble.  There are times when life seems to be winning and when we stumble, we just want to stay down and cry and give up.  We have all been there even if we don’t want to admit it to anyone else or even to ourselves.  We have been there when a loved one dies, when disease takes over a loved one’s body, when tragedy strikes.

 It is surrendering to God and crying out, “Help.  I need you to come and pick me up.  I keep stumbling.”  God doesn’t tell us to pick ourselves up or that we should be stronger and to stop crying.  No, God reaches down in our stumbling and brushes off the sand and holds us up until we can get our balance.  God gives us His strength through the Holy Spirit.

Balance.  It is not just physical.  We lose our balance and fall.  We get off balance in our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions, and how we deal with life.  Sometimes what is small and insignificant becomes the focus.  We get lost in things that will not matter tomorrow or next week.  We stumble through life and lose focus on what is important.  It is not what we achieve or the busyness of tasks that gives life meaning.  It is Jesus – His love and relationship.  We are loved because of whose we are – God’s children.  When we stumble and mess up, God’s love and grace forgives us and restores us. 

Stumble into the arms of Jesus.  Spend time with Jesus.  Allow Jesus to hold you up until you get your balance. Jesus won’t leave us, but Jesus will continue to beside us to catch us when we stumble.

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Check out my weekly newspaper column on my website and my books which are available on Amazon.  If you or someone you know has experienced loss – please share my book with yourself or someone going through grief – Living In The Different.

A Place to Pause

“At that time Jesus went off to a mountain to pray, and he spent the night praying to God.” 

Luke 6:12

Pause means you stop doing what you are currently doing.  You take a break.  For example – you pause a song to take a phone call and then return to the song by pushing the play button.  I took a pause this past week.  I just stopped my routine and went to the beach for a week.  Then I came back and hit “play” with my day-to-day life.  Pause does not mean we change anything; we just stop for a moment and do something else.

In the pause, I focused on just being present in God’s creation.  I ran on the beach.  Biked along the beach path.  Sat on the beach and walked in the water and waves.  Sat on the beach to watch the sunset and the moon rise and the stars which become brighter in the darkness.  I witnessed the beauty God created for our pleasure and heard the power of the water and the waves.  God is in the light, and God shines in the darkness.

Let me share with you some of my reflections during the pause at the beach –

God’s power is revealed in the power of the wind and the waves.  God’s power is intense, and it is stronger than anything we experience in life.  God is stronger than the burdens and problems we face.  Sometimes you just have to go into the wind and storms of life and face them.  When you turn around, God’s wind pushes you forward.  You cannot see the wind of God’s Spirit just like you cannot see the wind at the beach, but you see the results of the wind.  Allow the power of God to blow through you and be your guide and strength.

The waves always come.  Sometimes they are stronger and pound the shore, and other times the waves wash slowly onto the beach.  Sometimes the waves are gentle and sometimes they are intense.  God always comes into every situation.  Sometimes God comes very gently and quietly, and we need to look for Him, and other times we are more aware of God’s presence.  God is always with us.

 The sand is not solid, and it is easy to sink into the sand.  We feel at times that we sink in life, too.  We need God’s firm foundation to pull us out of the things of this world that cause us to sink.

The beach is beautiful with the water, the sand, the shells, but what completes the beauty is the clouds in the sky and the blueness of the sky.  You need to look up and sigh and breathe in the Holy Presence of God.  The clouds form all types of designs but what I enjoy the most are the angel wing clouds – light, wispy clouds that look like angel wings.  It reminds me that angels are all around us, but we do not always see them.  Angels are messengers and protectors of God.

Even in the pause, I kept moving.  I walked on the beach and in the water slowly.  I biked through the neighborhoods.  Movement reminds us we are alive and have purpose in the day.  Movement is also interaction.  Even in the pause, smile and be kind and receive the greeting in return.  It refreshes your view of the world.

Dark clouds come even at the beach.  We have cloudy and sad days in our spirit too.  It is giving yourself permission to have these sad moments.  Life will always have them.  Recognize your spirit can be sad.  I realized in my pause my spirit was sad because of those in my life experiencing sickness, cancer, aging issues, unexpected deaths.  The situations life brings are different than we had hoped and expected.  We may function well on the outside, but inside our spirits are sad.  Pause in the sadness.

In my pause, God refreshed me in His creation and warmed my spirit in His sunshine.  I found a place to pause.  I stopped for a moment.  I breathed in God’s Spirit.  My spirit began to heal as I stepped even closer to Jesus.

Jesus had a place to pause.  Jesus went into the mountains to be alone with His Father.  We need to learn from Jesus and follow His example.  You may not be able to physically go somewhere because of your circumstances, but you can pause in your day and find a space to be alone with your Heavenly Father.  Pause within your spirit and breathe in the power and healing presence of your Heavenly Father who loves you.

The pause helps to focus on what is important.  It gives an acceptance of your purpose.  It helps to recognize God’s power and that God is with you.  God has you.  Sometimes you need to pause from the routine and the things that overwhelm and get your attention and focus on what is most important – Jesus.  It is just me and Jesus.

 “Me and Jesus” – sung by Brad Paisley

 Me and Jesus got our own thing going.  Me and Jesus got it all worked out.  Me and Jesus got our own thing going. And we don’t need anybody to tell us what it’s all about.”

Take a pause with Jesus.

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Please check out my books on Amazon and share one with someone going through grief and changes in life – Living In The Different, Live Different Moments, Life Lessons of a Lone Trooper

Taking A Pause

“After Jesus had sent them away, he went by himself up into the hills to pray.  It was late, and Jesus was there alone.”  Matthew 14:23

A friend posted on Facebook that she took a “Pause Day.”  She had been so caught up in the busyness of life that she forgot to just be present.  She paused and slowed herself down and refreshed herself in the beauty around her.  She gave herself a gift and a reminder that being busy is not always the purpose in life.

We live in a society that celebrates being busy.  If you tell someone you’ve been busy, they think that’s great.  Is it really?  What are you busy doing and is it what you enjoy and want to live your life doing? Yes, we need to make a living and work and take care of our responsibilities, but do we ever pause and enjoy the life that is around us?

 Do you pause when you are overwhelmed and feel the heavy burdens of the day and go outside and just look up?  Yes, there is such healing and calmness that comes over us when we look up.  We only see the sky, the clouds, the sun, the trees, and at night the moon and stars.  We see nothing made by human hands.  The pause and looking up usually includes a sigh.  Wow!  This beauty was made for this moment just for me.

 If you have a “To Do List” either written down or in your head, you continue to mark off what you accomplished, but you also add more to the list.  Our “to do list” is never complete.  There is always something to do, so when you say, “I’ll take a break when everything is done.”  There is never a time everything is done.  There are times when tasks are completed, and you feel good about taking a break.  But for some of you, your thoughts are racing toward what needs to be done and anxiety builds when you are not busy.

 Our thoughts and mind need a pause along with our physical bodies.  We can get so caught up in what society says is important that we lose sight of our priorities and what gives life purpose and meaning.  The “crowd” in our lives is social media, our own expectations and what we think others expect from us.  We get lost and need to take a pause.

 Jesus in Matthew 14:23, sends the crowd away.  Jesus has just feed the five thousand people with bread and fish by multiplying a little boy’s lunch.  Jesus has taught them, and he has a group of people who are filled with emotion and are ready to make Jesus King and follow Him.  Jesus could have stayed and baptized and converted the thousands – that’s what society would have wanted him to do.  Make a name for himself, become popular, get busy and set up a plan to overthrow the Roman Empire.  But instead, Jesus sends the crowd away and goes up into the hills to pray.

Jesus is teaching us something very important.  The world and other people can tell you what is important and what they think is good for you. What is vital to who you are and whose you are. There are a lot of good opportunities to keep you busy and places to volunteer and lots of stuff to do and buy and…..the list is endless which creates the busyness of life.  It is pausing in life and deciding what is vital and what is your priority.  Jesus teaches us that sometimes you need to pause and say “no” to the demands of life and yes to time with God.

 It is time to take some pause days or moments.  Reflect on what has you feeling overwhelmed, busy, weary, troubled, burdened, and anxious.  Are these your priorities in life or are you busy doing what everyone else expects?  Are you carrying the load that God did not mean for you to carry alone?  Are you depending on God even in the struggles and pains of life?  Pause and give God glory and trust Him even when you do not understand why you have to go through it.  Pause, and say, “I trust you, Jesus.”  Pause and look up.  Pause and step away into the hills and pray.  Pause and go on an adventure.

 We tend to let stuff that doesn’t really matter be in control.  Pause and step back.  If you do not find joy and Jesus in what you see in your life, maybe it’s time to pause and listen to God’s Spirit and voice within you.  Jesus did.  What was a good opportunity was not His purpose.  His purpose was to suffer and die for you and me.  His purpose was the cross.

 Pause in this season of your life.  Get a drink of water.  Sit on your porch.  Sit at the beach.  Sit in your favorite chair.  Take a boat ride.  Take a walk.  Go for a bike ride.  Read a book.  Pray.  Talk with God.  Have a conversation with Jesus.  Life is broken and fallen and tough, but God is still good and God is with you.  Pause and release and re-focus.  Listen to God.  Move closer to the people God puts in front of you.

Let’s pause.

Check out my Newspaper Articles in The Daily Chief Union and on my website along with my books – www.livinginthedifferent.com

I appreciate all of you who read my column, blog, and books!

Showers of Blessings

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends.”   I Corinthians 13:7-8

We celebrated my great niece’s wedding this weekend.  She asked me to participate in the wedding service, and I was honored to do so since I had officiated in the wedding of her parents.  I shared Scriptures, prayed a blessing over their marriage, and then shared some words of wisdom about relationships -

Remember these important aspects of a relationship. Communication is central.  Share your day, your feelings, your frustrations, your dreams and your goals.  Share. Share. Share.  Have a foundation for your personal life and your marriage.  Keep yourselves grounded in your faith in God, your values, your family, and your belief in each other.  Don’t assume.  Share and talk through and don’t assume the other one understands it or will see it the same as you.  Compromise.  Share how you feel and listen to the other person.  Be each other’s encourager.  Be united and build up each other.  See the good in one another and share it.  Enjoy life and take adventures.  Live, don’t just exist.  Life is more than work.  Love.  Love.  Love.

 The ceremony was beautiful and now complete, and we were sharing the meal.  Then God showered the dry earth with a rain shower and then a rainbow right over the venue.  I told my niece that God was showering his love and blessing upon her marriage.

 As I sat in the reception hall with my brothers and extended family, I was reflective.  I was sitting in the little town where my mom went to High School.  I drove by the school on my way to the wedding.  Just a few miles down the road was where my mom grew up and went to Church.  God had showered his blessings on me by giving me such a special mom who loved me and loved Jesus and shared that love with others.  At the reception was a picture of my mom and dad.  They are the foundation for my siblings and their families.

I remember the love my mom and dad had for one another.  They were married almost 52 years when my dad died.  They worked together on the farm, provided for their children, raised their family in the church, and were grounded in their love for Jesus.  I remember hearing them read devotions together and pray together.  They laughed, they cried, they disagreed, they enjoyed adventures, and they lived together in love.  No relationship is perfect, but my parents allowed God to shower blessings upon their lives and marriage.

I give thanks to God for allowing me to experience the blessings of marriage and love.  The love God gives to us to share with others remains in our hearts forever.  Love never dies.  Love just takes a different form.

Sometimes the showers do not feel like blessings.  My niece did not see the showers at her reception as a blessing at first because people were to be outside for the dancing and fun.  It was just delayed for a while.  It is the same for all of us, when something happens unexpectedly or not as we had hoped or planned, we do not see God’s hand or blessing immediately.  It takes time to heal and ponder and reflect.  It is remembering that God brings good – His blessings – out of the heartache and bad.  It takes time to see it because we only see and feel the hurt and pain.  This is grief.  As we give ourselves time to heal from the loss, the gentle shower of God’s love helps us see the good coming out of what we just went through.  It does not mean that what happened was good, it just means that good came out of what happened.

 God blesses us each day with the gift of life and breath.  God blesses us with His love that is always in our hearts.  God blesses us with grace and forgiveness through His Son, Jesus.  God blesses us with His presence through the Holy Spirit.  God blesses us with relationships – people who walk with us in love and encourage us when we struggle and just love us for who we are.

God has showered blessings upon our dry earth and dry lives.  We all go through dry times and hard times in life where our focus is on the pain and suffering and brokenness of life.  God is still present.  God is still God.  We just need to trust when we do not understand.  God will always love you.  Love never dies, and love never ends.

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 Check out my weekly newspaper column in the Daily Chief Union Newspaper which is downloaded to the website – www.livinginthedifferent.com

Reflecting Forward

“I command you to be strong and brave.  Don’t be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go.”  Joshua 1:9

A friend is experiencing the first Anniversary of her husband’s death.  She was numb and in shock a year ago, and now she is feeling the intensity of reality.  She survived all the firsts and now she is trying to live forward in this different life.  You think when you make it through the first year that it should be easier now.  Sorry, but not always true.

You survived the first year, which is a huge accomplishment, and then you begin to experience the feelings of reality.  You ask, “Now, who am I?” and “What do I do?”  You have more questions than answers.  Life is so different than you had hoped or expected.  Relationships have changed.  You have changed.  How you view life and what is really important begins to take on a unique perspective.  You just see things through a different lens than you did before loss.  You are more reflective and attempt to make decisions based on what you want or need.  It just feels strange.

This week is the tenth Anniversary of the death of my husband, Dave.  Time is measured by love not years in grief.  It has become a reflective time in my thoughts.  To be reflective is to ponder and think deeply about what has transpired and my decisions, where I have been, and what is now important to me forward.

When life changes, we tend to first reflect on how to just survive and get through the changes, chaos, and hopefully find a sense of peace.  In the beginning, I was just making it through each day and trying to create a new routine.  I was still numb and went through the motions of life.  Some of you may be in this time of reflection.  Give yourself permission to just be.  Your body and mind need time to heal, and I believe God created the feelings of being numb as a time of rest from the chaos and allow your thoughts and body to catch up with each other.  Take the time.

 We are also reflective of the past and focus on regret and guilt.  We beat ourselves up thinking we should have done it differently, we could have been more aware of, and if we had only known, we would have….  We have all lived in this reflective stage and sometimes stay in the “why” questions of what happened.  It is good to reflect and admit to ourselves these feelings.  You cannot change anything by asking the questions or change in your minds what you should have or could have done.  You did not do it, and it is in the past.  Learn from it.  Forgive yourself and others and move forward.  Release the questions.

When our reflections focus on the reality of life and what happened, we begin to feel the intensity of the pain and loss.  It is real.  We cannot escape or deny it.  It is allowing ourselves to feel the pain, the hurt, the heartache, and all the other emotions that come with loss and change.  Feel these feelings and recognize that others around you may not understand, but there are those who have walked the journey who provide the needed support or affirmation that what you are going through is OK.  It is just where you are right now.  It is slowly releasing these emotions and allowing God to walk with you through them.

As I have journeyed through grief, one of the healing times has been my realization that Dave is living in Heaven with Jesus.  He has a new life in the presence of God and is peaceful and content.  When I accepted that he was living in Heaven and I was living on earth, it gave me hope and comfort that life continues in a different form for both of us.  Heaven is real.  Dave saw a glimpse of it before he died and was ready to go home to be with Jesus and those who were in Heaven before him.  It gave me permission to live on earth knowing he was living in heaven.

 As I reflect over the past ten years, I have made decisions that now I wish I had not done, but I give myself grace that my grieving brain made decisions based on thoughts and feelings at the time.  Reflecting backward is clearer than when the decisions were made.  I have learned from them and forgiven myself and asked for forgiveness.  God has redeemed them for good to help others on the journey.

 Reflecting has also brought an acceptance.  It was not what I wanted, but it is what I got.  God has brought good out of the grief.  God has given me a new purpose and direction by helping and counseling others on the grief journey.  God gave me the concept – “living in the different” and the words to write the book on loss and grief – Living In The Different.  My prayer has been that my journey will help another person walk through the grief and live forward into the different life.  Grief goes with us all our lives, but we learn to live with it and incorporate it into our lives.

There will always be sad moments and triggers that makes us more reflective and quiet.  They happen because of love.  Love never dies.  Dave will always be a part of my heart and foundation of my life.  God reminds me every day that his love is with me especially when I read Joshua 1:9 – his favorite scripture, see a hawk, or see 733 on the clock (his unit number). 

I am reflecting forward in life.  I accept that life is what it is.  I cannot change the past.  I can release the past, redeem the past, rejoice in the past, and be grateful for the past.  It is a part of who I am.  I can only live forward with God walking with me.  God is with me and with you everywhere we go.  Live forward into the life you now have.

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Check out my books on Amazon or through my website.

Life Lessons of a Lone Trooper (Stories and memories of Dave)

Living In The Different (Grief and Loss)

Live Different Moments (Living Forward into life)

Helping Broken

“Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing above us, nothing below us, not anything else in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39

I officiated at a funeral this weekend that broke my heart.  His life reflected the love of Jesus, and his serving made a difference in the lives of many people.  His own struggle and pain became overwhelming to him.  His life had meaning and purpose and will continue to make a difference in this world.  I share some of my thoughts and words from his service………

We each have some type of inner turmoil.  We want to make a difference and put the pieces of life together.  We strive to be enough, serve enough, and give enough.  We think we fall short so many times and feel less than we expect we should be.  We think we should be able to handle situations on our own and be strong enough to withstand the storms of life.  We want to prove to God we are capable.  But fear takes over.  Sometimes we choose fear over faith which is part of depression.

We all have struggles in some way in life.  We believe in Jesus and know God is with us in life, but we fall short of totally surrendering every aspect of our lives to Jesus.  We don’t give him our struggles because we think we should not struggle as a believer, or we should be strong enough to fulfill our purpose in life on our own.

We live in a broken and fallen world.  The struggles, fears, hurts, and daily life can overwhelm us.  We know in our heads that Jesus is the answer to everything, and Jesus is with us.  But we are ashamed when we feel the struggles, and think we are not trusting Jesus enough.  We are not good enough and don’t have enough faith.  Depression, anxiety, and addictions are the diseases from this broken world.  They take over.  Depression is the fear of the past that we are not enough and not good enough and will never be.  Anxiety is the fear of the future causing us to worry about what will happen and will we find our purpose.  Addictions are the fear of living now so we escape through one of the many addictions.

God created us to live in community with one another.  When we cannot hear Jesus, someone else can and will come and walk beside us.  Listen to them speak the name of Jesus and his love and grace into your heart and life.  Asking for help is not a weakness, but it shows courage.  Do not be afraid and feel shame when you reach out for help.  Life is hard at times, and nobody is perfect nor required to be.  God’s grace is sufficient.  We need to give grace to ourselves. 

When someone offers to help you in the struggles of life, accept the offer.  Do not let pride stand in the way of getting help in your struggles.  God made us to need each other and to depend on each other to help us grow closer to God.

Nothing separates us from God’s love.  No matter what you do or do not do, God loves you.  God’s love and grace is not based on our performance.  It is not based on who we are but on whose we are – God’s child.

 If you are struggling with life today – with depression, fear, anxiety, addiction – whatever it is, reach out for help.  If you know someone who is struggling, reach out to them again and don’t give up.  Our purpose in life is to love Jesus and be in relationship with Jesus and one another.  Each day our purpose is to be in the presence of God and to experience God’s love for us.  It is out of this love that we serve and glorify God.

If you are struggling in your walk with Jesus and feeling that you are not good enough and not measuring up.  Your anxiety, depression and fear is consuming you.  God still loves you.  Nothing, not even depression, anxiety and fear separates you from God’s love for you.  Allow God to come to you through those around you.  Ask for help. You may not think you can help someone else when you feel broken, but sometimes that is what another person needs – someone who has struggles but is depending on Jesus in them.  Allow God to carry you through the struggles.  Surrender and receive God’s grace and forgiveness.

You are loved.  You are God’s child.  You are in relationship with others who will walk beside you and love you with the love of God.

Come Jesus Come

“Sometimes I fall to my knees and pray, Come Jesus come.  Let today be the day.  Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna break. But I’m holding on to a hope that won’t fade.  Come Jesus come.”

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Need some help?

·       Read my blogs and newspaper articles – www.livinginthedifferent.com

·       Reach out to a friend or pastor or counselor

·       Suicide and Crisis Hotline – 988 (Call or Text)

·       National Mental Health Hotline – 1-866-903-3787

·       National Alliance On Mental Illness Helpline – 1-800-950-6264

Reflectively Staring

“Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly.  Now I know only a part, but then I will know fully, as God has known me.”  I Corinthians 13:12

We celebrated my brother’s milestone birthday with a family dinner.  My siblings and their families gathered at the park.  We talked, we prayed, we ate, we played, and we shared memories and stories.  The little ones ran and played, and they laughed and shared.  Generations were together, and we reflected about our past remembering our parents and grandparents who are the foundation of our family.  I looked back in my mind and felt the presence of my parents and grandparents and saw in my heart the joy on their faces that we were still gathering together.  They would be so pleased.

 “How did we get this old?”  My brother said.  He did not feel that old.  I look back and wonder where time has gone.  As a child, time seemed to go by so slowly, but as we mature, time seems to rush past.  Babies become teenagers and grandparents go to Heaven in a flash.  It cannot be possible that I am this old.  My mind thinks I am still young, but my body feels the changes.

As I enjoyed time with my siblings and their families, I became reflective.  I was nine years old when my first niece was born.  I remember growing up with all my nieces and nephews and enjoying adventures with them.  I was the fun aunt that was closer to their age.  Now they have children and even grandchildren of their own.  Photos remind me of events and the stages of life we went through together. 

I look through scrapbooks and sometimes I stop and just stare at a picture.  I can put myself back into the scene and into the life I was living at the time of the picture.  For moments, I can get lost in the memories and the people in that chapter of my life.  Sometimes I even wonder what life would be like if those in Heaven were still living on earth.  I reflect on who I am now because of their influence on my life.

 Sometimes we live life in the “stare” mode.  We freeze-frame our life.  It may happen because of the loss of a loved one.  You just stare into the past and wish for that life again.  You may just want to hold life where it is and not want your children to grow up and leave home.  Your child may have gone to college, and you stare at what life used to be with them at home and everyone under one roof together.  You do not want life to move forward.

 But life does move forward no matter how hard we try to hold on to these times and treasure the moments.  The moments become part of our memories and foundation.  We reflect upon the joys and the struggles, and we attempt to let go of the hurt and pain and remember the good.  We reflect on the difference loved ones made in our life.  We do pause and stare into the past which gives us time to remember and feel.

 Sometimes we just have a blank stare in life.  No clue.  No thoughts.  No idea what to do or how to handle a situation or the emotions.  You may feel numb.  Give yourself permission to just pause and stare.  This is one of the ways God gives us to slow ourselves down and rest.  Our minds get cluttered in thoughts, regrets, grief, anxiety, fears and the list goes on and on.  So, the blank stare is good at times. But other times, we just stare into the past and think if we stare at it, the past will come back into the present.  Never going to happen.

The past is the past.  You cannot recreate it or live in it.  The past is filled with memories that sustain you in the present and have made you who you are.  Gathering with friends and family reminds us of our shared past and foundation.  It is a good time to be reflective and thankful.  It is good to stare together in the past and share the stories and wonder how did we get to be this old already.

It is remembering that God has been with us through it all.  God blessed us with memories and the ability to reflect.  Stare into your past for moments.  Stare to give yourself some rest.  But then, with God’s Spirit begin enjoying the present and look forward to what God will do in your next chapter of life.  God is good.  All the time.  God is faithful and will be with you today and tomorrow like He was in your past.  Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.

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Read my weekly Newspaper Column in The Daily Chief Union Newspaper and on my website.  Check out my books too!

Struggling With the Whys of Life

“The Lord says, “My thoughts are not like your thoughts.  Your ways are not like my ways.  Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”  Isaiah 55:8-9

“Why didn’t God heal my son?”  She cried.  “I prayed and begged God, but my son died.”  She was angry but she was still talking with God.  We pray for healing, and some people are healed physically while others are healed in Heaven.  It does not make sense.  We cannot understand how God makes His decisions.  We want a reason.

The world is filled with things that happen that do not make sense – innocent children who are hurt and suffer, children with cancer and diseases, hunger, homelessness, grief, death, and the list goes on and on.  There are political, environmental, social and genetic explanations but I am not going to debate or go down that trail.  None of the explanations meet the emotional need of the struggle of why.

We want to understand why something happened. Our mind thinks if we figure it out and put all the pieces together, then we will not hurt or struggle anymore.  Once we comprehend how it happened, we are unable to change the end result.  Our loved one still died.  The situation still happened.  All the knowledge and figuring out does not change the reality.

I believe in prayer and the power of prayer.  God hears every prayer.  Sometimes God changes His mind.  For example, in the Bible in 2 Kings, Hezekiah is sick and is told he will die and to put his house in order.  He prays and Isaiah comes to him and tells him God has heard his prayer.  God will heal him and grant him fifteen more years of life.  God hears.  Sometimes God physically heals.  The Bible is filled with healings, and Jesus healed throughout his ministry. This gives us hope.

God answers every prayer but not always in the way we want God to nor in the time we desire.  Isaiah tells us God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours – God sees the big picture.  We only see a glimpse from our perspective.  Our focus is our little world around us.  We have a plan of how we want it to be and look.  We desire to control and then have God bless our plan.

Even when we know God is in control, we get upset when life seems to be a struggle or our attitude turns sour for no particular reason.  Ever have one of those days when you just have a negative attitude and you struggle just to be a nice person?  You are smiling right now, right?  You have had one of those days.  You love Jesus, and Jesus lives in your heart, but you just don’t care today.  You ask yourself, “Why am I acting and feeling this way?”  You try harder, and it doesn’t make a difference.  You don’t understand. 

First of all, you are human and not every day do you feel at the top of your game.  It is allowing yourself to have “blah” moments or days, but they do not define who you really are or want to be.  It is surrendering the ugly and the struggle to God.  Allow God to heal and redeem it.  Do not beat yourself up but forgive yourself and let it go.  You may not figure out the reason you feel the way you do, but you can still let it go and not live in it forever.

There are so many “whys” in life.  If we live in the whys, we will never really live.  I am learning to pray, “God, I don’t understand why this happened, but I still trust you.”  This is not burying my head in the sand or trying to escape facing life.  To me, it is admitting I am not God, and I am not in charge.  The weight of the world is not on my shoulders.  I do not need to wallow in the struggles of life and stay in the victim mode.  I need to grieve my losses, hurts, and pains but not stay there and let them define me.  It is changing my focus. 

It is not focusing on the why question but on the answer – Jesus.  Jesus loves me, knows me, and Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.  He understands.  In childlike faith, I trust Him.  And that is enough for me.  If I spend my days focusing on trying to answer the “why”, I will never enjoy the moments God gives me.  I need to look up and see God’s presence in the beauty around me and not miss the blessings found outside the struggles of life.

God, I don’t understand but I trust You.

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Need some help living in the present and trusting when you do not understand?  My book – Live Different Moments – is for you.  You will find it on Amazon or at Tea Story in Upper Sandusky.

Memories at the Momuments

“Jacob rose early in the morning and took the stone he had slept on and set it up on its end.  Then he poured olive oil on the top of it.”                                Genesis 28:18

I visited the Warren G. Harding Memorial in Marion, Ohio.  It is where the 29th President of the United States and his wife are buried.  It is a beautiful 10-acre tree lined area surrounded by the Marion Cemetery.  It sits back from the busy highway and is a sacred place honoring one of our Presidents.  I also visited the Marion County Museum to learn more about President Harding and his dedication to the city of Marion.  He made a difference in this community and also in the short time he was President.  I was humbled to stand at his Memorial and give thanks for his life and service to the community and our country.

I pulled into our family cemetery – Chandler Cemetery - near the little town of Marseilles where my grandmother was raised.  Memories flooded my mind, and my heart felt the love that has surrounded me and been my foundation all my life.  The sun was shining, and the wind was blowing, and I felt the presence of the Lord.  This cemetery brings me comfort and peace.  As I read the tombstone of my parents, the names of their children are listed.  My name is on the stone.  Someday, my body will be laid to rest next to my parents.  There is sadness in the memories because those I love are not physically with me, but there is joy that they have lived, made a difference in my life, and are now in Heaven. 

As I walked through the cemetery, I felt like I was in the presence of my childhood.  I was walking through memories of my childhood as I passed each stone.  The tombstones were a tribute – a monument of remembrance for lives well lived.  I thanked God for the privilege of knowing so many of His saints.  Like Mary who was my “annual conference mom” and her husband, Lewis, who loved to tease me and supported me in my ministry. There are monuments to relatives I never met, but who are part of who I am and the foundation of our family.  Names I heard of but never met, but who are part of me. 

I stood at the grave of a former youth whose life was shortened.  I stood with his family and friends as he was laid to rest.  It was in the same cemetery where my husband, Dave, is buried and my dear friend, Ruth.  As I left a stone at their grave markers, I felt their presence and thanked God for their love and influence.  I remembered so many people I have laid to rest in this cemetery.  It was like visiting friends and church family.  I recognized some lives I could celebrate their long life and influence, but other lives were cut short from living days on this earth.  Their lives still influenced me, but I long to know what the full potential could have been.

I enjoy walking through cemeteries and looking at the monuments and grave markers.  Some are so unique with beautiful carvings and designs and even pictures.  Others just state a name.  Cemeteries are usually filled with trees and bushes and winding roads.  It is peaceful and a place to be reflective.  Each stone represents a life lived.  Each person was loved by someone.  Each person was part of a family.  Each person contributed to society.  We can learn from both positive and negative influences.  In our memories though, the bad fades and the good remains.

Jacob set the stone he laid on up on its end and worshiped God.  The stone was a monument to a memory of God’s presence.  The cemetery is a place of death.  It is the last place our earthly body is laid to rest.  But it is also a monument to God’s presence.  God created our loved one.  God loved them.  We love them.  We go to the cemetery seeking quiet and peace.  Seeking to remember those we love.  Thanking God for their life, their love and their influence upon our lives.  We go to thank God for the gift of their lives but also to thank God that death is not the end.  It is only the end to this earthly life.  We go to remind ourselves that the grave is not the end.  The love remains in our hearts.  The memories and love in our hearts is a gift from God.

As we remember, we praise God for the life, the love and all the memories.  We worship.  The cemetery has become a place of worship and prayer for me.  I have had the long nights of sorry and grief, and now I go to the cemetery in thanksgiving for the lives that have been on my journey and who I will one day see again.  Sadness is still present, and the tears still flow, but the sadness is mingled with hope.  Sadness and hope pour over the monument of memories.

Remember with love and thanksgiving!

Walking through grief?  Check out my book – Living In The Different.   Available on Amazon and at Tea Story in Upper Sandusky.

Blessed Be The Name

“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”  Job 1:21

“God is good all the time.  All the time God is good.”  He spoke these words at the funeral of his son.  He thanked everyone for coming and then spoke his faith – what he believed and lived.  God was still good, and God was still faithful.  God healed his son perfectly in Heaven.

I do not understand why God allowed his son to lay in bed for two and a half years after his stroke.  I know many people, along with myself, prayed for him to wake up and be physically healed.  When I visited Will and spoke his name, I believe he heard me.  His dad’s voice was the most familiar because he heard it every day.  He also heard His Heavenly Father’s voice.  God never left him.  God was still there.  God was still good.

She was full of life and joy and gave everything she had to those she loved and served.  She loved Jesus, her family, flowers, the church, her friends, and she made life special for everyone she touched with her spirit.  She was in charge of her family.  Her smile brightened every place she entered.  She made you feel special when she said, “You’re who I wanted to see.”  Heaven is brighter now.  Jesus is who she wanted to see.

Two funerals in two days.  Both families have been friends for years and connected to the same church and many of the same people.  That was where my relationship with both began in the church.  Our foundation was Jesus.  We were blessed by God for our paths to cross and walk together in faith.  I was blessed at the funerals to not only give thanks for two special people, but to reconnect to my past and to so many people with whom I have shared life.  While loss is difficult and filled with sadness and hurt and funerals are not where you want to be, it brings together people who have shared in relationship with one another.  We had not been together because of changes in locations, churches, jobs, and just drifting away from one another because of life circumstances.

Funerals bring us together.  We hurt for the family that has lost their loved one, and we come to provide comfort, support, and grieve our own loss.  We want the family to know we care and love them and that their loved ones made a difference in our life and had purpose.  Their name, when spoken, brings a flood of memories and gratefulness.  Funerals are sad, but we make the effort to show respect for a life that has been present in our own lives.  We recognize the hole a person leaves in this world.  Funerals represent respect for a life lived.

I give thanks for the gift of life.  Even in grief and sadness when death makes no sense and I cannot understand the why, I trust God.  Death never makes sense.  Death is the result of the brokenness and sin of this world.  Death brings fear, anger, loneliness, pain and a myriad of emotions and feelings.  Death is a part of life we do not talk about or want to deal with.  We cannot avoid it, but we try.  Funerals force us to the face the reality of death and that everyone will die.

We will always grieve and miss our loved ones.  They leave a hole in our hearts that nobody else can fill.  Love never dies.  You just learn to live forward with grief and the hope of being reunited in Heaven.  Even in grief, we can praise God and know God has blessed our lives with their presence for as many days God granted to them.

One of the blessings Linda and Will gave at their funerals was bringing together friendships.  “You’re who I wanted to see.”  The hugs, tears and laughter filled my heart with blessings.  It was touching to look around and see people reunited who had not been together in years.  We gathered in the name of Jesus.  Jesus connected our hearts.  Even in the heartache of loss, we were filled with joy to see one another.  We mingled our sorrow with joy and blessings.  The blessing was the gathering of friends and loved ones to celebrate God’s love in the life of his children.  We celebrated that they are now with Jesus – the One they wanted to see.

I always hear, “Why does it take a funeral to bring us together?”  It is when we slow down and remember and realize how short life is, and we reflect on a life that touched our own life.  Memories of interactions and the shared experiences fill our thoughts.  We give thanks to God for bringing good out of the bad and praise the name of the Lord for creating us to be in relationship.  We need to let go of the struggles and pain and remind ourselves that God is good.  We bless the name of the Lord and trust Him.  The grief does not go away, but we know who walks with us in the pain and sorrow.  Just trust Jesus.

But some people stay in the hurt and anger and even at funerals when they gather, hold grudges of bitterness and do not extend grace.  Family turmoil continues even in death. To me, funerals remind each of us, nobody bypasses death.  We will all die.  Life is short.  Let go of the resentment and grudge, give grace and forgive.  Blessed be the name of the Lord who dies for our sins and overcomes death.  Because of Jesus, death is not the end.  Jesus gives us forgiveness and eternal life with Him.

Because Will and Linda gave their hearts and lives to Jesus, they have eternal life.  While they served faithfully, they did not earn Heaven.  It was through the grace of Jesus they received their reward of Heaven. They are living in Heaven and healed and whole.  This gives us hope and comfort in our sorrow and grief.  Death is not the end, but it is the beginning of life in Heaven.  God is good.  All the time God is good.

Rescued To Release

“This is my command: Love each other as I have loved you.  The greatest love a person can show is to die for his friends.”  John 15:12-13

My dog, Annie was a gift from God, and she was my companion through grief and next steps.  I was never alone.  She was my emotional support.  Annie was a wonderful therapy dog who showed love and compassion to my clients.  After she died, I wrote my last book – Live Different Moments – sharing how to take steps into life and live in the moments based on stories in her life.  I wrote the following story about Annie and hope to have it published someday, but wanted to share it with you, my faithful blog readers.  Here’s my Annie story.  Enjoy.

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Annie lifted her head slightly and licked my face as if to say, “Good-bye,” and then wrapped in her favorite blanket she laid her head down on the table.  It was the prayer quilt my sister made for my husband, Dave a few months before he died.  Annie claimed the blanket days after her master died.  Annie now breathed her last breath and was released from this world.  She crossed over the rainbow bridge to run into Heaven and find her master.

Released is to be set free from the pain and suffering of this world.  Annie, my beloved companion and therapy dog, was released from her struggle with diabetes, aging and infections.  But her purpose was not yet complete.  She was needed to release the one who rescued her.

Annie was born in the dog shelter and rescued at six months old by Pati Bardon who volunteered with ASAP Rescue (All Species Adoption Program). Pati had a warm barn on her farm in which she housed many large dogs. Annie was a small tan and white beagle puppy.  Pati felt sorry for her and brought her into their home during the day.  Pati had a soft heart for dogs and began to love this little beagle.  She named her “Carmel Apple” because of her coloring.  Pati was happiest when covered in dog hair, and she was known in our hometown as “the dog lady.” She would pick up any stray dog and rescue those chained up or abused.  Pati carried bales of straw in her vehicle during the cold winter months.  If she saw a dog chained outside, she would jump out of her truck and throw some straw around the dog to keep it warm.

Pati wanted “Carmel Apple” to have a forever home, so she reached out on social media sharing a picture of this sweet beagle puppy.  My husband, Dave, and I had recently lost our dear beagle, Specs, who lived sixteen and a half years.

 My sister, Carolyn, saw Pati’s post and called me.  “I’m not sure you are ready for another dog, but there is this little beagle puppy that my friend Pati is trying to find a home.”

“I’m not sure either,” I replied. “But send me the picture and I will check with Dave.”  Now, who can resist the face of a cute beagle puppy.  Dave and I were smitten by this adorable puppy face.

We contacted Pati and set up a time to drive to my hometown to check out this puppy.  I told my husband Dave, “If we go, we are coming home with a puppy.”  It was our wedding anniversary, and we came home with the sweetest gift – a tan and white adorable puppy who licked my face the moment I sat in the chair in Pati’s home.  She jumped into my lap, licked me, and chose me immediately.  We named her “Annie” short for Anniversary.

Annie found her dream life.  She was queen and brought life and joy into our home.  She loved to run with me in the mornings and take naps in the chair with Dave.  Then life changed.  Dave was diagnosed with brain tumors.  Annie stayed by his side through it all laying under his hospital bed protecting him until he died.  After Dave’s death everything became different for Annie and me.  Annie grieved her master.  I grieved my husband.  All we had was each other.  Annie had never been left alone, and now what was I to do?  My counseling office was at the Church, and I had to work. There was nobody at home, so Annie went to work with me as my therapy dog.  She found her calling in life.  She excelled at greeting clients, showing compassion when someone cried, and sensing the hurt and pain of others because she had experienced so much in her short three years of life.  Annie thrived with all the attention and dog treats she received from my clients and church family.

Annie rescued me in my grief by giving me a purpose to get out of bed and to keep moving.  She was with me most days so when I came home, I did not come home alone.  I would say, “Annie, it’s just you and me and God.  We are going to do this together.” I now had companionship in a different form and a different purpose.

With Annie’s help, we began to live into a different life.  She was my physical connection to Dave.  A part of Dave was with me – his unconditional love which was expressed in my dog.  Annie was God’s love in dog form – spell dog backward and you get God.  Then Annie began to age.  Her health declined, and she was in pain and suffered from so many infections and advanced stage diabetes.  It was time to release her.  As I held her, I whispered into her ear, “Go run into the arms of your master.  He is waiting for you.  I love you.  Thank you.”  She licked my face and let go.  When I carried Annie’s body into the funeral home for her to be cremated, I prayed through tears, “God, I know you have Annie now.  I release her to you, Thank you for the gift of Annie.”  Annie had rescued me in my grief, and it seemed impossible to go on without her.  “How am I going to walk through the feelings of loss and grief without her?”  I cried.

Then one morning on my run, God spoke to my heart, “It’s time to write again.”  I had written of my grief after the death of my husband in the book, Living In The Different.  Now I felt led to write about Annie and give purpose and meaning to her life and release my grief.  Annie taught me to live in the present and focus on what is in front of me.  Her life was a surrender and a dependency on me, and she taught me to follow her legacy and surrender and be dependent on God.  Live Different Moments was created.  I released my grief, but little did I know that the one who rescued Annie would be released by Annie through my book.

Pati had been diagnosed with metastatic melanoma and lived her last months at Wyandot Skilled Nursing Center.  As she declined, her ex-husband but still dear friend, Bob came to visit almost daily and read to her.  He read Scriptures and my book, Live Different Moments that my cousin, Sheryl had given to Pati. Bob told me, “I read the whole book to Pati. We laughed and we cried together.  I had to stop to wipe my eyes.”  Bob said he read several chapters to her at a time.  The words God gave me, and the stories of Annie helped to release Pati from the pain of this world.  Because Patti rescued Annie and God released Annie from the suffering of this world, Annie fulfilled her final purpose to release Pati to Heaven.  I am sure Pati was greeted by Annie and all the dogs she saved, loved, and lost throughout her time on earth.

Reflected Glory

“The glory which you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one.”    John 17:22

I enjoy watching the sunset whether from my porch, a chair in the yard or at the beach.  Some nights the sunset is filled with brilliant colors that take your breath away, and other nights the colors are subtle with a quiet rest to the day.  One night as the sun began to set a dark cloud was around the sunset and I thought no colors would shine this evening.  But I turned around and looked in the east and the sky was a brilliant deep pink.  The sun had reflected above the darkness to bring intense colors across the sky.  This experience has happened several times.  I began to ponder what God was telling me each evening in the closing of the day.  The Holy Spirit has revealed within me meaning to these sunsets.

When we look at the sky and only see the darkness, it is the same with our lives.  Sometimes we only see the darkness, the loneliness, the sadness, the grief, the fear, the anger, the hurt.  We see no hope and no possible way to live and find joy in life.  When we only focus on the loss of our loved ones or the problems and negatives of life, all we feel and experience is darkness and despair.  The darkness and longing for our loved one will always be in our hearts.  Nothing takes that away.  We learn to live with it.  But when we change our focus and turn around, the darkness reflects the glory and presence of God and our loved one in our lives.  The darkness brings something different into our lives.  We did not choose the darkness, but it is present.  It is allowing the darkness of grief to change us and find meaning in the different. 

The word “glory” has been my word these past weeks.   I have been pondering the meaning of glory.  Throughout Scripture, God’s glory is revealed through the face of Moses, in the temple, the angels sang “Glory to God” at the birth of Jesus, and Jesus prays before his arrest that He gives to His disciples His glory.  In the past as I have watched the sun begin to set, in the sky was a “hole” between the clouds that seems to be a window into Heaven.  It was God’s glory – the splendor of God’s presence.  Glory is God’s physical presence revealed to us in so many ways. 

I believe Jesus gives to us His glory which is the physical reminder of His presence with us.  Jesus’ spirit – the Holy Spirit – lives within us and the glory is the outward expression and visual reminder that Jesus is with us. Because our loved ones had this spirit and glory in them, I believe that glory stays here with us.  Why else would we experience such powerful physical reminders of their love and life?  For example, my husband Dave loved hawks and had the nickname “Hawk” in high school because he always kept his eye on the ball in whatever sport he played.  Whenever we traveled by car, he would spot a hawk sitting on a fence post or wire every time.  After his death, every trip I took, a hawk would be sitting on a fence post or wire like it was waiting for me. It reflected Dave’s continued presence.  I still see hawks in my travels.  I saw two hawks this past week on my trip to Marysville.

Even more, God wants us to see His glory – His presence in our lives – every day.  It is these reflections that help us in our grief and give us moments.  These precious moments remind us that we are not alone, and God wants us to know He is beside us.  God gives us beauty though in our different life, it takes a while to again see it.  As we journey forward in life, we begin to reflect God’s glory to others who are beginning the journey.  The darkness and sadness of grief leaves a hole in our hearts and lives.  On the journey, we begin to see God’s glory and presence even in the hole.  God is with us no matter how we feel.  God shines around and through our darkness.  Someday in some way God will bring beauty out of our darkness.  Sometimes we need to turn around and focus on a new path and direction.

God’s glory in us helps us to look and live more like Jesus.  We begin to focus on how our life reflects God’s love and presence to others.  We take the focus off our sadness and problems, and we focus on God with us.  We look for God’s presence in nature, in relationships, in the quiet moments, in our thoughts, and in His Word.

Allow others to reflect God’s love and glory to you, too. 

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Check out my books on Amazon - Living In The Different, Living Different Moments, Life Lessons of a Lone Trooper.