Find Ways to Deal with Emotions

“She made me so…. I can’t even name how she made me feel.” Have you ever felt this way? You have emotions that you cannot even name that others trigger within you. Awareness of how you feel emotionally is essential in developing coping skills for life. You cannot release what you do not name. When you suppress your emotions, they come out in other ways and many times make you physically ill.

One technique in learning to name emotions is to use this easy to remember rhyming phrase - “mad, sad, glad.” Most of your emotions will fit within these three categories, for example - Mad – angry, frustrated, irritated, negativity. Sad – grief, depression, loneliness. Glad – joy, happiness, positive feelings. This is also a great dinner table discussion with family and friends. “So today, what made you mad, sad, glad?” It is a tool to help children and people of all ages name their feelings and then learn healthy ways to express the emotions and release them.

Feelings and emotions are natural and neutral. You were created with an abundance of them. They give you an awareness of how you react to a situation, event, or person. It is healthy to be aware of these feelings and name them. There is nothing wrong with having them, it is what you do with them that defines who you are. You can choose your behavior by either allowing the emotions to be in control or finding healthy ways to release them.

Let’s use anger as an example. Nobody can make you angry. While their actions or behaviors stir up within anger, you have a choice how you deal with this emotion. When you allow anger and unforgiveness to be in control, it is like allowing someone else to take up residence in your head. That person is controlling you and every time you see them or think of them, the emotions are raw and intense. You hurt yourself while they usually have no idea they have so much control. Anger needs to be released physically, because it is so consuming that you feel it throughout your body. An anger coping skill usually involves some type of movement – running, jumping, punching a bag or pillow, dancing, or some other high energy movement to release the feelings. Forgiving the other person does not make what they did right, but it releases their control over you.

Be proactive in your emotions and feelings. Name them. Writing them down in a journal is also helpful. Pray about how you feel. Develop healthy ways to release them and not stuff them down. Talk with a trusted friend or counselor. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?” “What triggered the emotion?” Name the emotion. Accept that you feel this way. Pray. Release the emotion so it is not in control and boils over into other situations. Do not let the emotions pile up and then explode. Separate the emotions and events and deal with them individually.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different