Sighing In the Bleachers

She was living her life in the bleachers with her grandchildren. She enjoyed watching her grandchildren participate in sports and other events but did not need to be at every game or practice.  She chose when it fit into her schedule and priorities.  It was the responsibility of her children to provide for their children.  Interesting way of stating how she was living, so let’s ponder this concept.  Are you adding responsibility to your life that is not yours?

In this column you have read how to step in and step out of situations and people’s drama.  You enjoy time with a person or a family event and live in the moment, and then you step out and are not responsible for other people’s lives or decisions. The idea of living in the bleachers adds the responsibility of being a supportive cheerleader and enjoying the adventure with them.  It is also knowing your role.  You are not their coach, so you are not telling them how to live or play the game.  You encourage them and remind them you are with them and care about who they are and what they are doing.  You are not orchestrating their lives and experiences.

So, what happens when they mess up on the field of life and you are in the bleachers?  They do not want your advice, your criticism, your judgment, or your corrective plan.  So, you just sigh.  You sit there and know you cannot change the situation even though you want to fix it.  You have no words and no power to change the outcome.  At times, you just listen.  Sometimes you are asked to give your opinion or provide clarity as they work through the current situation.  Most of the time, you just sigh, love them and release control and your desire to fix it.

Sighing takes the focus off yourself and your need to solve the situation.  Sighing calms your inner soul.  It is responding with grace.  Sighing is admitting your have feelings that are inside of you but you cannot share them or even name them.  Sighing releases what is going on within you and is a way to calm yourself when you really want to do something to make the situation better.  Sighing is a great tool to use to calm your anxious thoughts.

Other sighs are an acceptance of the situation.  You sigh when you do not know what to say or do. To sigh in the bleachers is to accept other people for who they are and the decisions they are making.  You may not agree, but you can still love them and be a support to them.  Sighing in the bleachers also acknowledges you are still present and involved but not responsible.

Sighing also slows you down and prevents you from saying things you may regret later.  Sighing can also be a prayer when you do not know what to say.  Sighing does not mean you don’t care.  It means you care so much, you have no words and do not know what to do. 

Sighing is also a way to regulate your nervous system.  It requires taking deep breaths and releasing them.  It involves lifting your shoulder, breathing in deeply and slowly exhaling.  Doing this several times, slows you down, brings oxygen back into your brain and lungs, and gives you permission not to articulate feelings and emotions.  It calms your soul.  Keep sighing.

Elaine will be co-leading a sharing time on “Permission To Grieve” on Saturday, December 5th at 11 AM at Route 30 Roadhouse 350 Tarhe Trail, Upper.  Open to anyone.

Elaine’s website – www.livinginthedifferent.com

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In the Different