Worried The Answer Will Change

You asked a question and received the person’s answer.  You believed them at the time, but now you are wondering if they really meant it.  Your friend told you they would take care of something for you, but you are concerned they will forget or that you are too much of a burden to them.  He said he would pick you up and take you, but as the date gets closer, you question if he will follow through.

Oh, the worries created in the head.  When you question, wonder or become concerned, it puts doubt in your mind.  You may call to make sure the person’s answer did not change.  You may go over in your head if the answer changes what you will do or say.  You have created a worry.  If the person is one you trust and has always kept their word, you are worrying without a reason.  You may have transferred to this person your lack of trust in yourself and inability to follow through.

Your worry may come from a past trauma or situation.  You trusted someone, and the person lied, hurt you, or did not keep his/her word.  The answer changed and now you worry everyone else will do the same thing.  You are living in the assumption that all people are the same and will treat you the same way.  This is not a true statement.  It is acknowledging that some people change their answer but not all people do.

Some of your worry comes from your own insecurity.  You need assurance that the person still cares about you and wants to follow through with what they promised.  You need validation that you are a person of worth to them.  You may apologize for asking for help and then believe the person thinks you are annoying or too much trouble.  You may have difficulty believing someone actually wants to be with you and help you.

In overcoming worry, it is naming what is true.  List the truth statements.  For example – “My mom has always followed through with what she says she will do.”  When you worry and doubt a person, it is reminding yourself of past situations.  Has the person done what they said?  Is the person truthful and reliable? Tear down the worry with truth statements.  You may need to write them down to remind yourself what is true.  You have people in your life whose answer never changes.  They do what they say and are reliable.

There are also people in your life whose word cannot be trusted.  They do not keep their word.  Every time you want to believe or trust them, they disappoint you.  It is accepting who they are and not setting yourself up to be let down each time.  You learn to not ask them for help, assistance, or count on them to follow through.  Yes, this is sad, but it is also your reality.

So, are you a person of your word, or does your answer change?  If you worry that someone else’s answer will change, then you have to look inward at who you are.  It is speaking the truth in love.  When you give your word, you follow through.  It is being truthful and reliable and not causing others to worry that your answer will change.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different