Chasing Relationships

Do you remember playing tag when you were a kid?  One person was “it” and chased after everyone else.  When a person was tagged, they were out of the game or if it was freeze tag, the person was frozen until someone else tagged them to unfreeze them which put the person back into the game to be chased.

You thought your chasing days ended in elementary school, but sometimes you feel like you are chasing after people to have a relationship with them even within your own family.  You are trying to force a connection out of your own need to have a close family and friendships.

At times, it is exhausting and draining because you have to do all the work with little results.  You make the calls and send the texts and schedule the time together.  You make the effort because if you do not, there is no contact by those you care about.  They live their lives oblivious to you and your need to be in their lives.  Is it worth all the effort you wonder?

When you force anything – conversation, friendships, relationships, attention – it is not genuine and rarely mutual.  You make it an obligation to the other person which can create resentment or a shallow or surface connection.  It becomes not what you were seeking and creates even more emptiness within you.  You are forcing something that is not worth fighting for because it does not flow naturally nor meet anyone’s needs.

Relationships are challenging.  You cannot force a person to spend time with you.  You can tag or choose people in the hope of developing a closer relationship, but it is not guaranteed.  Someone else may unfreeze them from your tag and develop the relationship you had anticipated.

Allow people to be who they are – it is what it is.  They already have their inner circle and groups and may be closed to letting anyone else into their lives at this time.  Don’t wear yourself out by chasing after people.  You begin to wonder what is wrong with you.  It may not be you; it is just not the people or group for you.  So how do you stop chasing and actually develop healthy and lasting relationships?

First, start with yourself.  Do you like being around yourself?  Are you negative, a complainer, or always talking about yourself?  If so, you may not be a pleasant person to be around.  It is working on being a friend and being a person that is enjoyable and healthy to be around.  Learn to like who you are and find worth in yourself.  You spend the most time with yourself, so learn to like who you are and others will too.

Next, it is saying “yes” when invited to events and joining groups that are of interest to you.  Try out new adventures and experiences.  Find a common bond and interest.  It is allowing relationships to naturally develop and being intentional in being social and involved in areas that interest you.

Learn to step in and out of relationships.  Enjoy the moments with friends and family, but do not make them the center of your world.  If you do, when they are not available, you have no worth or value.  Enjoy time alone.  Develop your inner spirit and soul. 

Elaine’s website – www.livinginthedifferent.com

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different