Find Ways to Deal with Emotions

“She made me so…. I can’t even name how she made me feel.” Have you ever felt this way? You have emotions that you cannot even name that others trigger within you. Awareness of how you feel emotionally is essential in developing coping skills for life. You cannot release what you do not name. When you suppress your emotions, they come out in other ways and many times make you physically ill.

One technique in learning to name emotions is to use this easy to remember rhyming phrase - “mad, sad, glad.” Most of your emotions will fit within these three categories, for example - Mad – angry, frustrated, irritated, negativity. Sad – grief, depression, loneliness. Glad – joy, happiness, positive feelings. This is also a great dinner table discussion with family and friends. “So today, what made you mad, sad, glad?” It is a tool to help children and people of all ages name their feelings and then learn healthy ways to express the emotions and release them.

Feelings and emotions are natural and neutral. You were created with an abundance of them. They give you an awareness of how you react to a situation, event, or person. It is healthy to be aware of these feelings and name them. There is nothing wrong with having them, it is what you do with them that defines who you are. You can choose your behavior by either allowing the emotions to be in control or finding healthy ways to release them.

Let’s use anger as an example. Nobody can make you angry. While their actions or behaviors stir up within anger, you have a choice how you deal with this emotion. When you allow anger and unforgiveness to be in control, it is like allowing someone else to take up residence in your head. That person is controlling you and every time you see them or think of them, the emotions are raw and intense. You hurt yourself while they usually have no idea they have so much control. Anger needs to be released physically, because it is so consuming that you feel it throughout your body. An anger coping skill usually involves some type of movement – running, jumping, punching a bag or pillow, dancing, or some other high energy movement to release the feelings. Forgiving the other person does not make what they did right, but it releases their control over you.

Be proactive in your emotions and feelings. Name them. Writing them down in a journal is also helpful. Pray about how you feel. Develop healthy ways to release them and not stuff them down. Talk with a trusted friend or counselor. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?” “What triggered the emotion?” Name the emotion. Accept that you feel this way. Pray. Release the emotion so it is not in control and boils over into other situations. Do not let the emotions pile up and then explode. Separate the emotions and events and deal with them individually.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Coping Skills Help Live Differently

“We’ve always done it that way,” spoken by most of you who do not want life to change. I have heard it in families, especially in Churches, and even in groups here in Upper. Yes, even here. Many of you reading this have said it not just with life changes but in how you deal with stress, anxiety, and worry. “I’ve always been a worrier.” “I’ve always escaped by watching TV or playing on my phone.” You say, “It relaxes me.” Well, does it really or is it just your rut, default or way to escape the reality of life?

There is a difference between coping skills and escaping. Coping skills are healthy tools you use to deal with the stressful situations of life to lower your anxiety, worry and fear. In escaping, we never deal with the cause of the situation, and we tend to stuff it down inside and not find ways of dealing with life. It is like putting food on top of your stress to hold it down within you.

One step to help you live differently is to develop healthy coping strategies to deal with what life gives you. It is creating ways that you do not absorb it or stuff it down, but still function through the elevated stress. In another column, we will deal with the causes of the worry and anxiety, but first we need to function in daily life.

So, you begin to worry, and your anxiety and stress becomes intense and you panic, what do you do? One coping skill is deep breathing. Begin focusing on slowing down your breathing and taking deep breaths and releasing them. It is changing your focus from the worry to your breathing. Then focus on what is around you. Use your senses – what do you see, hear, feel, smell, touch, taste? This slows down your thoughts and keeps you in the present and not the worry about what might happen.

Disconnect from technology and rest your thoughts instead of escaping into the media. Move your body – take a walk or sit in a chair and move your arms or legs. Movement helps to release the stress and tension. I have a rebounder – a small trampoline and bounce on it as a way to release. Use your creativity – paint, draw, crafts, puzzles. When you become productive in a creative way, the results have purpose instead of mindless TV. Music – play an instrument, sing, listen to music. Music touches your inner spirit and soul. Pray. Connect to your faith and release what you cannot control.

Change is hard. You need to do something different. Anxiety and worry have become the familiar way of life and escaping seems easier, but you are avoiding life when you escape. Let’s try one step at a time. The next time you feel anxious or worry (which for some of you just reading this makes you anxious), take a deep breath, pray, slow yourself down, put down the ice cream and chocolates, take a walk, play with your dog, listen to your favorite song, and see what happens.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Introduction To Living In The Different

Do you remember the Hallmark movie where the writer moves back to her hometown, falls in love, and writes a New York bestseller novel? Well, that is not the news here. How about the writer moves back to her hometown and writes a column for the local newspaper? Yep, that’s what is happening right here. I grew up on a farm in Wyandot County and graduated from Upper Sandusky High School. If you are from Upper, you are already asking yourself, “Who are her parents?" My parents are Richard and Dorothy Clinger. My siblings and extended family live all around the county. Yes, I am related to about half of the county.

I’m a writer and a counselor grounded in my faith and foundation. If you want my bio, you can google me or go to my website – www.livinginthedifferent.com. I am here not to talk about myself, but to share life stories that will be a guide to living into the life you now have. Your life is different from what it was whether from aging, loss of loved ones, challenges, seasons, transitions, illnesses, or changes. Different is not always bad, it is just different. So how do you live not just exist? How do you live fully and abundantly without fear, worry, and anxiety leading the way? Well, that’s our focus for this year.

Let’s start with a few words that prevent us from living with joy and fulfillment. Anxiety. It is the fear of what may happen and is filled with worry and being overwhelmed. I’m seeing some head nodding as you read these words. You are just a worrier by nature, right? Worry is the belief that nobody is in control, and you need to be. You anticipate what could go wrong and fear you will not be able to handle it. You worry about everything and worry if you are not worrying.

As 2025 begins, what if we lived differently than we did in 2024 regarding worry and anxiety? First, not everything is your responsibility. Ask yourself, what is my role in each situation? Next step, focus on the present moment not what could happen in the future. Start living in today. It may not be what you expected or wanted, but it is all you have. Worry and anxiety are not going to change your present moment except make you more negative and unable to function. It is accepting that this is what you have in front of you. Look around you and find a good moment or make the moment good. You say, “There is nothing good.” Then change your focus. Yes, there is bad all around us in our broken and fallen world, but there is good if we look for it. A smile. A sunrise. A squirrel running up and down the tree chasing another squirrel. Good is all around us, if we just look for it.

Anxiety and worry are fed by the noises of this world. Are you distracted by the negativity and busyness of daily tasks? Let’s slow down our thoughts and begin this year listening to the gentle whisper of our souls and begin the search with me for peace, hope, and purpose. Hope you will take this weekly journey with me and begin living in the different!