Reflectively Staring

“Now we see a dim reflection, as if we were looking into a mirror, but then we shall see clearly.  Now I know only a part, but then I will know fully, as God has known me.”  I Corinthians 13:12

We celebrated my brother’s milestone birthday with a family dinner.  My siblings and their families gathered at the park.  We talked, we prayed, we ate, we played, and we shared memories and stories.  The little ones ran and played, and they laughed and shared.  Generations were together, and we reflected about our past remembering our parents and grandparents who are the foundation of our family.  I looked back in my mind and felt the presence of my parents and grandparents and saw in my heart the joy on their faces that we were still gathering together.  They would be so pleased.

 “How did we get this old?”  My brother said.  He did not feel that old.  I look back and wonder where time has gone.  As a child, time seemed to go by so slowly, but as we mature, time seems to rush past.  Babies become teenagers and grandparents go to Heaven in a flash.  It cannot be possible that I am this old.  My mind thinks I am still young, but my body feels the changes.

As I enjoyed time with my siblings and their families, I became reflective.  I was nine years old when my first niece was born.  I remember growing up with all my nieces and nephews and enjoying adventures with them.  I was the fun aunt that was closer to their age.  Now they have children and even grandchildren of their own.  Photos remind me of events and the stages of life we went through together. 

I look through scrapbooks and sometimes I stop and just stare at a picture.  I can put myself back into the scene and into the life I was living at the time of the picture.  For moments, I can get lost in the memories and the people in that chapter of my life.  Sometimes I even wonder what life would be like if those in Heaven were still living on earth.  I reflect on who I am now because of their influence on my life.

 Sometimes we live life in the “stare” mode.  We freeze-frame our life.  It may happen because of the loss of a loved one.  You just stare into the past and wish for that life again.  You may just want to hold life where it is and not want your children to grow up and leave home.  Your child may have gone to college, and you stare at what life used to be with them at home and everyone under one roof together.  You do not want life to move forward.

 But life does move forward no matter how hard we try to hold on to these times and treasure the moments.  The moments become part of our memories and foundation.  We reflect upon the joys and the struggles, and we attempt to let go of the hurt and pain and remember the good.  We reflect on the difference loved ones made in our life.  We do pause and stare into the past which gives us time to remember and feel.

 Sometimes we just have a blank stare in life.  No clue.  No thoughts.  No idea what to do or how to handle a situation or the emotions.  You may feel numb.  Give yourself permission to just pause and stare.  This is one of the ways God gives us to slow ourselves down and rest.  Our minds get cluttered in thoughts, regrets, grief, anxiety, fears and the list goes on and on.  So, the blank stare is good at times. But other times, we just stare into the past and think if we stare at it, the past will come back into the present.  Never going to happen.

The past is the past.  You cannot recreate it or live in it.  The past is filled with memories that sustain you in the present and have made you who you are.  Gathering with friends and family reminds us of our shared past and foundation.  It is a good time to be reflective and thankful.  It is good to stare together in the past and share the stories and wonder how did we get to be this old already.

It is remembering that God has been with us through it all.  God blessed us with memories and the ability to reflect.  Stare into your past for moments.  Stare to give yourself some rest.  But then, with God’s Spirit begin enjoying the present and look forward to what God will do in your next chapter of life.  God is good.  All the time.  God is faithful and will be with you today and tomorrow like He was in your past.  Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.

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