It Does Not Really Matter to Me

“What do you want for dinner?”  “I don’t care.”  “What restaurant do you want to go to?”  “It doesn’t matter to me.”  “Do you want to go for a walk now.”  “I don’t know.”

You have had these types of conversations.  It may sound like a person is indecisive and defers to the other person to make the decision.  Deferring can mean that you value and accept the other person's decisions, and you usually agree with them.  It may also mean that you have no preferences and would rather let someone else make the decision.  It may also mean that you do not want to make the other person upset and cause any conflict.

Sometimes it can be frustrating if you never express your preferences and always say it does not matter to you.  Does it really matter?  It may not matter when it comes to food choices, but it may matter in other decisions in life.  If you allow others to decide for you, you cannot complain about their choice.  You were given the opportunity to choose, but you did not take it.

Maybe it is being more concise in your response.  Today you may not have a preference, but you may on another occasion.  So, respond, “Today, I have no preference.  Go ahead and make the decision on this one.”  You are living in the present and expressing that right now you have no preference, but it is not how every future choice will be.

It is being aware of your phrase usage.  The phrase – “I don’t care” – assumes you do not care about the person or being with them.  Yes, someone may take it to this extreme.  What you assume in your head to be a polite way of being nice and letting the other person make the choice, can become a negative put down by the other person.  To promote conversation, you could say, “Let’s talk about some of our options.”

The other phrase – “It doesn’t matter to me” – can be interpreted as you could care less about what the other person wants to do.  What they are suggesting has no value or importance to you.  You are indifferent toward what the other person has placed value upon; you are dismissing it as unimportant.  Sometimes when this is the response, the phrase – “never mind” – is spoken and friction has been created.  A more positive response is, “I have no ideas right now, what are your suggestions?”

Another phrase used “That’s OK” – says that what someone did or said was fine with you when it really was not.  You downplay it because you do not want to cause any conflict.  If someone apologizes and you say, “that’s OK” – was it really?  Say instead, “Thank you.  I accept your apology.”

You speak phrases that may not reflect how you feel.  It is being more direct and paying closer attention to what you say and how you say it.  Everyone hears through their own filters, interpretations and experiences.  Slow yourself down and put thought to your words.  Listen more.  Pray before speaking. What is the person really asking?  What do you want to do?  Define what matters.  If you do not have a preference, then state that you trust the other person’s decision and will enjoy whatever they choose.

If a topic matters to you, learn how to share it directly, honestly, and meaningfully. Life matters.  Live life like it matters to you.

Check out Sturtz’ her books and blog on her website – www.livinginthedifferent.com

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different