Dealing With The Holidays

As you turn the calendar to November, the holiday season becomes the focus of stores and your thoughts.  The Fantasy of Lights displays are starting to be created in the Harrison Smith Park.  Hallmark Christmas movies are beginning, and Christmas music is heard in the distance.  But maybe you are dreading the holiday season this year.  It could be because of the loss of a loved one this past year, a new season of life, or changes that have happened this past year.

You recognize life is different this year.  You cannot re-create past holidays because life is not the same.  Holidays can be a tough time for a variety of reasons.  Memories are good, but memories can also be painful with loss and changes.  Loneliness is more intense during the holidays.  You watch movies where families are together, and the celebrations are picture perfect.  Your friends share their family plans, and you feel more isolated and alone.

If you or people around you have lost a loved one this past year, the holidays will be different from now on.  You will experience sadness and tears.  Do not avoid these feelings or attempt to fake it.  Allow the emotions to come and go.  It will hurt, but you will also have good moments and make new memories.  You still have people around you that love you.

Develop a plan.  You decide now what you want to do and what you cannot do right now.  Be honest with yourself.  Prioritize what is really important.  You do not have to do everything like you did in the past.  Ask for help.  Simplify.  What is really important to you about the holidays?  Be flexible and give yourself time to adjust to this new way of experiencing life.  If you are not ready to be with everyone and do all the traditions, give yourself permission not to this year.

For some of you, the traditions are important, and you want to do them for the sake of the rest of the family.  Know you may cry and that is fine.  There is an emptiness because loved ones are not there to celebrate with you.  But you can still gather and celebrate and remember.

Focus on the true meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Do not allow the media and social platforms to dictate your holiday.  Thanksgiving is a time to focus on your blessings.  It is a time to remember and give thanks for your loved ones and for those who have come before you.  It is a time to give thanks to those who began our country and persevered through.  It is a time to give thanks to God for the blessings of life.  For you, it is a time to give thanks for your loved one and for God walking with you through the changes of life.  Christmas is the celebration of God coming into the world through the birth of Jesus.  God comes to be with us – Emmanuel.

Simplifying and going back to the true meaning of Thanksgiving and Christmas is a great plan for this year.  It changes the focus from your loss to the purpose of the Holiday Season.  Enjoy the moments and keep your focus.  Even if you have not experienced the loss of a loved one, it may be time to focus on the true meaning of the season and to enjoy a simpler celebration.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different