Holding A Grudge

“I will forgive him, but I will never forget what he did.”  Is this really forgiveness?  You acknowledge that a person did wrong and apologized for what he did.  You accept his apology, but you do not trust him and believe he will continue to do wrong toward you.  You forgive but still have a feeling of resentment that continues to linger within you. 

You have a past that you cannot get passed.  You are holding a grudge.  It is a long-lasting feeling of animosity, ill will, and anger.  When you think of the wrong done to you, you still get emotional and have negative feelings toward the person.  Holding a grudge because of a wrong done to you, makes you bitter, resentful, and sometimes vindictive, having the desire to seek revenge.

Your grudge has affected you emotionally and has created behaviors in you caused by your past.  You blame the person who wronged you for your emotional scars and your behaviors.  You react a certain way because of what was done to you.  Emotionally, your grudge holds you hostage to the past.

The first step forward is to admit how you feel.  You have not really forgiven the person or let go of how you feel toward the person.  You are living in the past wrong.  Admit to yourself how you feel toward the person and the situation.  Make it real and do not sugar coat it.  It has affected your moods and emotions since the wrong occurred.  You have probably taken it out on others who had nothing to do with the situation.

Feel the hurt and pain.  Talk it out through prayer and self-talk.  Talk aloud or if needed with a friend or counselor.  Acknowledge what happened was wrong but holding onto it does not fix it or allow you to live burden free in the present.  Holding on to a grudge is just as wrong as what happened in the past.  Begin the process of forgiveness.  It does not excuse the wrong, but it frees you from the burden and hurt.  The other person is no longer in control of you and your emotions when you forgive.

Next, it is releasing the control of the past and what was done to you.  Release your grudge.  You cannot change it.  The person may or may not have changed, but you can change how you deal with the situation.  You have learned from it.  Maybe you need to set a healthy boundary with the person.  Forgive and release the person and the burden of resentment you have bottled up inside of you.  Give yourself the freedom to live in the present.

A grudge is a heavy burden to carry, and it makes you an angry, negative and bitter person.  It affects all your relationships and how you view life.  You begin holding grudges against everyone who has wronged you, and then you isolate yourself from everyone because you assume they will hurt you too.  Soon nobody wants to be around you because you have become a grumpy, negative person.  Release and live forward into life.  You cannot change the past, but you can change how the past controls you.  Live in the freedom of letting go of the hurt.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different