How Social Are You?

You are invited to an event and have agreed to attend.  It sounded like an enjoyable time and now it is here, and you are anxious and wondering why you said yes.  You do not want to go, but you gave your word, so you force yourself.  You end up having a great time.  So why did you get so upset and anxious? It was not like you had something else to do or it took away from anything in your life. 

For some of you this is how your social anxiety comes out.  You fear not being accepted.  Fear being around crowds.  You fear you will be judged.  You are afraid you will say or do something wrong and be criticized.  You fear being around people. You don’t want to be the center of attention.  Your anxiety lets people you do not know control your emotions. For others, if you are asked to lead the event or speak, how will you be accepted?  Will you make any difference, or will you be helpful to anyone?  Will others see how nervous you are?

You have your routine and when someone asks you to deviate from your daily routine and attend a family event or social event, you always say no or want to say no.  Your calendar is not full of activities, but you just get used to your little world.  You fear trying new adventures even when the activity sounds like something you would enjoy.  You have become a homebody and do not deviate from your space and choices.

Being at home is good if you are content, but if you have the ability to be active and interact with others but never do, you may have some social anxiety.  Some of you may prefer being alone.  Again, if you are happy with where you are being more introverted, and it works for you, be who you are.  For the rest of you who want friends, feel lonely and desire to be active in life, but just the thought of going out of your space fills you with anxiety and fear.  You want to go, but it feels impossible to take the first step.

Social anxiety is filled with fear of not being accepted, being judged, not knowing how to maintain a conversation, fear of being watched.  You feel self-conscious and lack confidence.  So, let’s take some steps to be more engaged in life with less anxiety.  Start slowly by going to public places for a few minutes and then leave.  You begin normalizing places and spaces and people when you put time limits on the interaction.  You have no obligation to talk with others or stay long.  Then you go longer and choose to talk to a person and slowly build up more interactions and places.

The key is giving yourself permission to slowly step into more socialization and set boundaries in what you will do and how you will interact.  You take control of the anxiety by not putting the fear as your focus.  You begin to normalize social interactions and find enjoyment in relationships.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In the Different