Dealing With Triggers

You walk into the store and immediately the smell of your husband’s cologne surrounds you, and you break down in tears because he is no longer here.  You hear a mom raising her voice to her child, and the trauma of your own childhood fills your thoughts, and you become afraid and want to run.  You see your daughter’s favorite toy and you are overwhelmed with grief because she is in Heaven.  These are examples of triggers that involve your sense of smell, sight and hearing and are associated with traumatic events in life.  Triggers create a reaction when unexpectedly exposed to an imagery that causes an emotional response.

Triggers are events, situations or specific objects that cause an intense negative response that stir up your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.  Many times, triggers take a person to a past experience – a flashback – and creates an immediate panic, fear or heightened anxiety.  You may physically feel sick and weak.  You may freeze and cannot do anything, or you may just turn and run – flee – to get away from the situation.  The trigger is attached to the memory of the past.  It comes unexpectedly without time to prepare your response.  You may prepare for the big triggers of calendar dates and holidays but not for the smells, objects or sounds of everyday life.

So, you are triggered.  It provokes negative emotions.  It stirs up anxiety within you and sets in motion your response.  What do you do to deal with these triggers?  If possible, step away physically from the situation.  If you cannot leave, then step away in your mind and emotions.  Ground yourself in reality.  Look around you and start naming the things you see and bring yourself into the present moment.  Use self-talk and prayer to remind yourself that was in your past.  Tell yourself, “I am safe right now.”  “My loved one is in Heaven.”  “Nobody is hurting me.”

Remind yourself it is going to be OK.  If the trigger brought the emotions connected to your grief and loss, allow yourself moments to be sad, to cry and grieve your loss.  The everyday simple things may trigger more than birthdays, anniversary dates and holidays.  You try to prepare for them, but not for smells or sounds.  Slow yourself down and experience the moment and the reason the intensity of grief affected you.  Acknowledge your grief and feelings of missing your loved one. Then focus on a good memory of your loved one that brings a smile and gratefulness for their life.  This is a way to process through the triggers of grief.

If the trigger brought emotions from a trauma and negative situation in your past, focus on something around you that is not related to the trauma – look up at the sky, take deep breaths and ground yourself in the reality of the present.  You are OK and the past can no longer hurt you.  It is processing through the trauma trigger and desensitizing yourself from the trauma. Release the past and its control over your thoughts and emotions.  This is a process.  Each time you are triggered, it is praying through it and accepting the past is complete.  It can no longer hurt you.  Then begin to replace the negative with a positive outcome.  Triggers will happen throughout life when you least expect it.  It is being proactive and prepared in your mind with tools to handle it because in the emotional moment, you will not know what to do.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different