How You See It
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She said that he was mean and always negative. He was lazy and rarely was involved with his children. She presented a cynical view of the person; therefore, you now have an unfavorable view if you accepted her perspective.
Other people may express a negative view of someone because of their personal encounter and then share that view with others which will influence those who listen. Everyone has a perspective based on their own experiences, values, and preferences. If you base your perspective only on someone else’s point of view, you may miss out on a great relationship or experience.
When you listen to someone’s perspective, view it from who that person is. Recognize how similar or different you are from that person, and why that person may be reacting the way they are. The person may be trying to sway you to see the situation like they do and to therefore influence your decision and point of view.
Perspectives vary and determine how you view life and your attitude toward others. If you are only focused on your little corner of the world and attempt to control and protect, your attitude may try to control others to see life your way and accept or reject others.
If several people witness an accident, each will have a different perspective based on where their point of reference was and what they were focused on at the time of the accident. It is the same concept in life. It depends on your focus and point of reference how you determine your perspective.
To prevent conflict and relationship disagreements, it is important to take a step back and assess how and why another person has a certain outlook on the situation. It is good to hear another person’s point of view and not argue with them but ask questions to clarify why they see the other person or situation like they do. Take the time to listen. You may not change the person’s view, but it will give you clarity and balance and help the person state their reasons.
Your attitude can change when you understand another person's reasons and outlook. You no longer become reactive, but you treat the other person as valuable and having an opinion or point of view that is different from yours. It also helps you to look at your own perspective and evaluate it to see if you really believe it or have you misunderstood them. Because people have different backgrounds and views of life with different focuses and lenses, people react to protect themselves from possible hurts.
It is finding a balance. Reframe situations by trying to see them from the other person’s perspective. Take the time to ask the questions with the desire to really know the person not to antagonize them or cause them to be defensive. When you take the time to share your view with them and actually talk about where each of you are coming from, then you have a healthy dialogue and an acceptance of each other. You learn and grow by gleaning from their views. You may not change yours, but you acknowledge you can be friends and have different perspectives on life.
Elaine J. Sturtz
Living In the Different
