Heightened State of Turmoil

You were told, “Just relax.”  You have no idea what that feels like inside of you.  Your inner nervous system seems always stressed, tense, and exhausted.  Your body lives in survival mode never relaxing or feeling at peace.  You have lived your life waiting for the next thing to go wrong and it seems something always happens.  You live in the uncertainty of life.

Some of you grew up in trauma and chaos.  Others of you have acquired the ability to handle trauma, pain and hurt because of situations that have occurred in your life.  You have defined yourself as a person with depression, anxiety, and trauma.  It has become your normal.  You stay alert, tense, and physically and mentally worn out and weary.  You have no safe mode.  The people you placed your security in are the ones who created the trauma and chaos.  You have no safe people who are stable and secure.

Even when life seems calm around you, that is, nothing major is wrong, your mind cannot relax.  You are not overreacting like you may be told by those around you.  It is just your nervous system – the communication network that connects different parts of your body like your thoughts, processing and movement – has forgotten what safe feels like.  You are used to trauma, grief, pain, hurt, anxiety, depression, but you have no idea how to deal with peace, calm, joy and good in your life.

Your body was never meant to live in this heightened state of turmoil all the time.  You may attempt to process through past situations and even be able to understand how you got to where you are.  You recognize the causes of your pain and trauma and why your brain is always engaged with reoccurring thoughts that go in all directions.  You are awake in the night because your brain will not slow down.  Engaging in life seems like too much work. You become over-stimulated trying to function like everyone else.

Turmoil and chaos seem natural but the good feelings and enjoying the moments of life seem too complicated and exhausting.  So, let’s start with one good feeling or emotion at a time.  For instance, happiness.  Happiness comes from external stimuli that brings pleasure from what you are interested in or what you do.  What could you do that you like?  If you are not even sure what you like just try something – take a walk, play a game, ride a bike, eat ice cream, or watch children at the playground.  Take in the moment and truly try to be present.  Take a deep breath and let it out.  Allow your body to feel the moment.  Smile.  It is teaching your nervous system that this is a good moment and that there is nothing to worry about.  It is good.  It is a safe place.

It is slowly defining good feelings and emotions and then finding ways to experience them in your life.  You are attempting to replace the negative normal with the positive good.  It will take time.  Keep trying different feelings like peace, contentment, laughter, joy.  Define them and find tangible ways to experience them.

Website – www.livinginthedifferent.com – read Elaine’s blogs and newspaper articles.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different