So What Are Your Fears?
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Many children are afraid of the dark and need a night light to help deal with what lurks in the darkness. Some people are afraid of heights, elevators, bridges, animals, water, needles, flying, spiders, public speaking and the list is endless of what people fear. These are commonly known as phobias with each having its own name. Some phobias may seem strange to you, but they bring intense fear to others.
Many of these phobias can be addressed by facing them if you choose or by just choosing not to do them or be around the things that cause fear. If you want to overcome a fear, it is taking small steps of exposure to achieve the goal.
There are also fears within people that are difficult to admit even to themselves. You may have some outward fears that you talk about and even laugh about with other people. When you say you are afraid of spiders, people laugh and others relate to those feelings. But the fears that are deep within you are intense and leave you feeling negative about yourself. You are even afraid to share them with others out of fear of being rejected and made to feel your fears are not valid.
You may have the fear of failure. You are afraid to try new experiences, jobs, relationships or anything that may cause you to look like a failure. To you failure is fatal, and it is better not to try. You feel like you messed up and let other people down and can never face them. But failure just means it did not work that time and next time you will try it differently. In failure, you learn what not to do and what did not work for you. Failure is only fatal when you stop trying and do not learn from it.
Some of you fear not being enough. You fear you do not matter. You fear that no matter how hard you try and no matter how much you do, it is never enough. Your sense of self-worth is based on doing enough and if you fail to meet those expectations, you do not receive acceptance. You fear rejection.
Some people fear being abandoned – not just left alongside the road – but not being loved by those who mean the most to them. You fear they will leave you if you do not meet their every need. You wear yourself out to the point of exhaustion, but they still are not satisfied and criticize you. You fear you will never be good enough and never be loved.
Fears create all types of thoughts in your head and negative views of yourself. When your focus is the fear, it controls you. So, how can you overcome these fears? First, it is admitting the fear and naming it and how it controls your thoughts and behaviors. Once you name it and not try to hide it, you can start loosening the grip of control. Next, it is facing the fear and beginning to recognize why you have this fear. Then you begin to desensitize yourself to the fear. It is slowly taking steps of accepting yourself for who you are. It is believing you have value and worth. It is not conditioned on what you do or how others perceive you.
Fear loses it control when faith enters. Faith is a trust that Someone greater than yourself is with you and watching over you. Fear loses control when you face it and do not believe it is bigger than your faith. Release your fear and take steps to trust.
Elaine J. Sturtz
Living In The Different
