Are You Talking To Me?

Conversation is a two-way talk in which news, ideas, and care is shared.  It can be informal and just a chitchat or a deep heart-to-heart connection. Sometimes one person vents to another just to have someone to listen and not fix.  The person just wants a listening ear and a place of acceptance without judgment.  Other times the conversation can be an intense sharing or brainstorming session.  Conversations can be on the surface about the weather or the latest headlines in the news.  The most meaningful talks are ones where there is mutual respect with sharing of thoughts, feelings, and personal life.

Mutual dialogue is the key to a healthy conversation.  It is talking and listening to understand each other.  It is not just waiting for the other person to pause or take a breath so you can jump in and talk.  Communication is accepting some days you listen more than talk because of the needs of another person or the situation. 

It is not just asking questions to gain information or prying into the other person's personal life.  You gain information in every dialogue, but it is not to be shared with others unless given permission or requested.  When someone tells you a story about their life and struggles, it is their story to tell not yours.

When a person asks you a question in your conversation and it is not something you want to share, you can politely decline to answer.  Set boundaries in what you share and the topics you want to discuss, especially in public.  You may not want to share in a group setting what you would in private with a person.  Respect the privacy of others.  If you are the person asking the questions, it may feel like you are interrogating to be in the know and not really caring about the individual.  Ask because you care and express concern and compassion.

Remember, conversation is mutual caring about each other and wanting to share with another person.  For your mental health, learn to set boundaries in your sharing.  Know who does not keep things private and do not share with them what you do not want broadcasted to others.  Remind yourself that being a private person is who you are and that is fine.  Choose carefully who you vent your feelings and thoughts to because not everyone will abide by your boundaries. 

When sharing a story, give the short version with the facts.  Then if the person you are talking with asks you questions and is interested in the details, then share the total story.  You have been in conversations with people who go on and on with the details of a story and you just want them to get to the point.  So do not be that person to other people.  If it bothers you, it will irritate someone else when you do it.

Relationships are about having conversations.  You cannot be in relationship with people if you do not talk together and are interested in each other’s lives.  There will be certain people who you share the depth of your heart with and others with whom you only share day-to-day experiences.  Choose wisely.  Recognize not everyone wants a dialogue, some people just want an audience.  Sit with them and listen but don’t share your heart because it will not be respected.  Share your heart in prayer with the One who listens and responds.  Find people who want to share and listen and challenge you while respecting your values and views.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In the Different

Check out Elaine’s weekly blog on her website – www.livinginthedifferent.com