The Fear of Bad Outcomes

You saw that coming, but they did not ask for your help or advice.  You could have saved them from the consequences they are experiencing, but they did not listen to your guidance.  They said it would be fine, but you knew it would not work and it did not work.  You saw the big picture, but they only saw the immediate reward. 

You may have the ability to step back in situations, evaluate what is happening, and be able to guide people through the chaos and obstacles.  You look at all the options and determine what would work best in the current situation and have lasting positive results.  Unfortunately, people do not want to take your recommendations.  Those around you have created your fear of bad outcomes because every time they do not listen to you or ask for guidance, their decisions create problems and turmoil.  You want to protect and guide, but you are helpless.

You want to fix situations and prevent others for going down a path of doom.  But some people have to experience failure and mistakes so that they can learn and grow on their own.  It is not failure if you learn from it and move forward.  You witness people repeating the same mistakes over and over and having the same bad outcome.  Or you see where the situation will take the person and want to guide in another direction.  The person sees you as controlling and selfish while you see yourself as protective and preventive.

There are people in your life that you are just waiting for their next mess up and bad results from the choices they are making.  You chase after them attempting to save them from the inevitable.   You are tired of having to clean up the mess and suffer the consequences of their actions.  It is difficult to trust them. Your anxiety and worry become heightened as you wait.

So, what do you do?  You cannot protect adults from their own decisions.  You can advise, provide support and information, but in reality, it is their decision to make.  You know it will affect you eventually, or you will have to clean up the mess.  Maybe it is time not to clean up the mess.  Sometimes, you need to step away and let people experience the consequences of their own decisions and not rescue them.  This may seem harsh, but some people need to learn the hard way.

You cannot fix every person and situation.  That is exhausting and also impossible.  You expect those around you to grow up, learn from their mistakes, and take expert and knowledgeable advice.  You may have the insight but you cannot force it upon others.  You can pray for them.  Ask if they need assistance, and if they deny your help, release them.  You cannot force someone to see your perspective.

Change your focus.  You care and love others, but you cannot save them from what you believe will become a bad outcome.  You are only exhausting yourself as you attempt to make everyone else’s life good at your expense.  You can protect to a point but then you need to release responsibility.  Keep praying and caring but sometimes it needs to be at a distance as they figure out life.  Focus on your own life and ways to give to others in positive ways.  Set healthy boundaries and pray about what your role and responsibility is in situations.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different