Befuddled With Excuses

You are invited to two different events on the same day, and you need to make a choice between them.  Which one do you choose?  How do you make the decision?  Who or what influences your choice?

When it comes to choices, someone has your ear.  That is, someone or something influences your decision.  Many people make decisions based on other people – what they are doing or what they will think of you if you choose differently than they do.  You may try to please others at the expense of your feelings and preferences.  You are afraid of the repercussions of not going or doing what you have been asked to do.

If you decide to decline the invitation, do you make an excuse or explain the reason why you will not be attending?  By explaining you are trying to justify your “no.”  You may fear rejection if it is not a good enough excuse.  You over-explain the “why” out of fear of being judged.  Who have you given control of your life to so that you feel you have to explain your choices?  If you do not want to go, just say no and decline – no reason or explanation.  Your word is enough.  Yes, this scares you, doesn’t it?

When asked why you cannot come to the event, you become bumfuzzled or befuddled.  You get flustered when put on the spot and are unable to think clearly.  You begin to apologize and make all kinds of excuses.  You even make some of them up.  You cornered yourself and allowed someone else to control your life and your decisions.  When this happens, you will feel miserable and lack self-worth and confidence.

First, excuses are rarely good.  It just makes the other person who invited you feel not important because you did not choose them.  You get flustered and words just come out of your mouth.  These words most of the time are lies.  You are trying to “save face” but it just makes it worse.  You are bumfuzzled – you have been made to feel confused and have lost your composure causing you to feel anxious.  Now what do you do?  It is like getting caught because your excuse did not measure up.

You need some help.  So be more proactive with your responses so you do not feel these intense feelings and get confused.  Learn to decline invitations gracefully – “Thank you for your invite. I appreciate your offer but at this time I need to decline.”  No reason and no explanation or excuse.  You did it directly and with respect and dignity.  You may even add – “Keep me in mind next time.”  This tells the person that they have worth and you may be willing to enjoy their company in the future.  No promises but a possibility.

Excuses are given to avoid doing something or to justify why you did something.  You defend or justify your actions.  Most people do not want to hear your excuse.  Don’t live trying to excuse yourself from being the person you were created to be and doing the things you are made to do.  Agree to do what you need and want to do.  Decline what you do not need or want to do.  Learn to make good decisions.  How?  Pray.  Ground yourself in truth. Trust yourself and learn from your mistakes.  Live forward not in fear and excuses.

Elaine J. Sturtz

Living In The Different

Check out Elaine’s other writings – her blogs and books on her website – www.livinginthedifferent.com